Did I ever mention how much I love to travel? ;) I think it's because I go on a trip expecting one thing out of it (like having crazy fun), and I come away with something completely unexpected and different and rich.
I drove alone to DC a few weeks ago to visit my close friend and college roommate Christine. This was my first trip back as a married woman without an official career (I used to go there annually when I was single!). I always crash at Christine's rowhouse in Alexandria, in a beautiful, busy urban neighborhood like something you'd see on TV. I walk to the metro station in the mornings when Christine's gone to work, and I'll catch the subway into the district and spend the day wandering around museums and boutiques, or simply strolling the streets and people-watching.
Last time I was there in 2003, I was, at that point, involved in some sort of strange and exciting pseudo-relationship with Jeremy, whom I'd hit it off with during a previous trip there. I have met lots of Christine's friends, and I always loved rubbing shoulders with all of the different people I'd meet through her. Christine and I would go out together for dinners with her friends at loud cantinas or little Greek cafes, we'd catch a show at the Kennedy Center, we'd throw snowballs in Dupont Circle. It was always exciting. I loved stepping into her life as the urban single girl... all the time wondering if I sold myself short by not taking the "Carrie Bradshaw" route.
This past trip... wow. It was still a blast but it was SO different. One major reason is that I had no interest in meeting any guys, and that always changes the overtones of a situation. You know how you always have that tinge of excitement when you're single, always dressing up because you never know if the guy you meet at the grocery store could be "the one"? Obviously since I'm married, I'm not looking! But I think in some corner of my mind I used to wonder if I might meet the man of my dreams on the Metro, perhaps a cute young politico in suit and tie, collapsing into the seat next to me after a long day on the Hill.
So I guess I had less of a desire to "see and be seen" this trip. And DC is an area ALL ABOUT being seen out on the town. It's a social climber's paradise... the first question out of everyone's mouth is, "so what do you do?". What was I going to tell them this time? Not many people are truly interested in hearing about the misery of nursing homes or the virtues of happiness found in a Christian bookstore.
And Christine's really into wine now. She's not an alcoholic, mind you, but she loves going to wineries, enjoying a glass every now and then, talking about wine, tasting different wines, etc. It's a world unfamiliar to me since, surprise! I don't enjoy the taste of wine. She really wanted to go to some wineries when we took our weekend trip to Charlottesville, but I was extremely reluctant. I had absolutely no interest in standing around with a group of mostly wealthy strangers, drinking beverages which I don't enjoy, discussing the career that I don't have, and pretending to be someone I'm not. I realized that it's just not ME. I'm not a winery-going type of person. During the trip in 2003, I would've been fine with going and could've played along with the best of them, but it's just not me anymore.
On my last day in DC, I spent the day visiting with my German friend Anne and her Italian boyfriend Max (another story for another day!). That night, I dropped them off at the Metro then drove back toward Christine's, parked the car, and let myself in her place. And then it hit me literally as I walked through the door: I was ready to go home. For the first time, I was READY. See, usually when I travel, I long to stay wherever it is that I'm visiting. It always seems better somehow, more exciting, more beautiful, more sophisticated, something I can't always explain.
This time, though, I found that I missed my life in Knoxville. I missed my sweet husband and funny little kitty. I missed my comfortable cottage and my church, my kids in the children's choir, and my job at the bookstore. I missed the (much quieter) night sounds of home and my mountains which are so close and so beautiful.
It's like I found my place in the world without even noticing that it happened. Somehow, over the last few years, life changed for me in giving me a rhythm that's right for me. It's fun and simple and joyous. I think it took getting away and putting myself squarely back into my "old life" for a few days in order to see that it really didn't fit me anymore.
It felt good!
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Saturday, October 7, 2006
Mmmmmmmm!!
This might sound weird, but I recently "rediscovered" my sense of smell. I forgot how much I enjoy perfume and flowers and scented candles! Stopped by Yankee Candle today and picked up a "Pineapple Gardenia" candle that was on sale. Not usually a fan of gardenias alone, but the two fragrances together remind me of the sweet smell of Hawaiian air!
Don and I went down to Destin two weeks ago to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. We splurged a bit on a few romantic dinners and a gulf-front room at the Four Points Sheraton. All we had on our agenda was just relaxation time! Laying on the beach and around the pool, eating, watching TV. I dare say we were successful! And Don surprised me with a beautiful pair of diamond earrings! I'd always wanted a pair but figured those were years away, but he was squirreling away money and managed to buy them without my knowing about it. All in all, it was a terrific time!
The children's choir at church has been keeping me pretty busy lately. This is my first year leading it, therefore every rehearsal is a learning experience! I am continually searching for ways to make practice not only fun and productive, but a blessing for them as well. I've never thought of myself as being particularly "good" with kids but it seems to get a little bit easier each time! Right now, I'm working on developing interpretive movement to Chris Tomlin's "Indescribable". It's coming together and I can't wait for the kids to perform it!
Don and I went down to Destin two weeks ago to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. We splurged a bit on a few romantic dinners and a gulf-front room at the Four Points Sheraton. All we had on our agenda was just relaxation time! Laying on the beach and around the pool, eating, watching TV. I dare say we were successful! And Don surprised me with a beautiful pair of diamond earrings! I'd always wanted a pair but figured those were years away, but he was squirreling away money and managed to buy them without my knowing about it. All in all, it was a terrific time!
The children's choir at church has been keeping me pretty busy lately. This is my first year leading it, therefore every rehearsal is a learning experience! I am continually searching for ways to make practice not only fun and productive, but a blessing for them as well. I've never thought of myself as being particularly "good" with kids but it seems to get a little bit easier each time! Right now, I'm working on developing interpretive movement to Chris Tomlin's "Indescribable". It's coming together and I can't wait for the kids to perform it!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Happy times
I haven't been much for writing lately! I think I just got tired of sitting in front of the computer.
Bob moved back from Atlanta, had his big retirement bash in WV on Sunday. It was really sweet. Mom put on a great party at the Ramsdell House, and Bob had tons of people show up. It filled my heart to see him so happy, and for him to see that every person who walked through that door came just because they cared about him. Everyone deserves a party like that!
I was offered another social work job last week. Why am I so uninterested? Here I've been griping about needing a better job, yet everything I'm offered, I turn it down. I just can't get excited about doing any kind of social work anymore. Life has been so much better for me since I quit trying to solve everyone else's problems!
Bob moved back from Atlanta, had his big retirement bash in WV on Sunday. It was really sweet. Mom put on a great party at the Ramsdell House, and Bob had tons of people show up. It filled my heart to see him so happy, and for him to see that every person who walked through that door came just because they cared about him. Everyone deserves a party like that!
I was offered another social work job last week. Why am I so uninterested? Here I've been griping about needing a better job, yet everything I'm offered, I turn it down. I just can't get excited about doing any kind of social work anymore. Life has been so much better for me since I quit trying to solve everyone else's problems!
Saturday, August 5, 2006
Dust in the wind
I've been a bit melancholy lately in realizing that life is passing me by far too quickly.
I don't want to live a self-centered life, and that's what I've had in spite of my previous attempts to convince myself otherwise . God has been revealing new things to me through His word and through my circumstances... in that the time is NOW for me to lay down my life for Him, yet I'm still so hesitant. Is it wrong to have dreams and desires for what I want to see happen in my life? Am I placing too much emphasis on physical/emotional security and not trusting Him enough? What does it mean for me, as a young married American woman, to die to self and follow Christ?
In the infamous words of Eminem (of all people!), I only have one shot, one lifetime. I don't know how many days I have left before I have to leave this world. What will I do in the meantime? Will I set the world ablaze for Christ? Will I just get by? Will I make a difference to anyone, anywhere? Will God say to me, "well done, my good and faithful servant"?
I don't like being afraid. No one does. I wish that following God didn't involve taking so many risks, but I know that I would never learn to lean on Him otherwise. I have to keep reminding myself that this world is not my home and that I don't need to worry about my life.
God's sovereignty and love have been more alive and more real to me now than ever before. He continues to show Himself faithful to me. I have witnessed spiritual warfare in my home and felt His tremendous power battling for me. I have felt the prayers of His people rebuking Satan on my behalf. I have experienced the gentle touch of His grace and the startling jolt of His discipline. God's heart is so good, so pure. I have finally come to understand, more clearly, what it means to have confidence in and truly BELIEVE in the goodness of His heart. Merely being obedient isn't what He wants... He wants my love. He is so sweet. I am desperate for Him to continue working in me.
I don't want to live a self-centered life, and that's what I've had in spite of my previous attempts to convince myself otherwise . God has been revealing new things to me through His word and through my circumstances... in that the time is NOW for me to lay down my life for Him, yet I'm still so hesitant. Is it wrong to have dreams and desires for what I want to see happen in my life? Am I placing too much emphasis on physical/emotional security and not trusting Him enough? What does it mean for me, as a young married American woman, to die to self and follow Christ?
In the infamous words of Eminem (of all people!), I only have one shot, one lifetime. I don't know how many days I have left before I have to leave this world. What will I do in the meantime? Will I set the world ablaze for Christ? Will I just get by? Will I make a difference to anyone, anywhere? Will God say to me, "well done, my good and faithful servant"?
I don't like being afraid. No one does. I wish that following God didn't involve taking so many risks, but I know that I would never learn to lean on Him otherwise. I have to keep reminding myself that this world is not my home and that I don't need to worry about my life.
God's sovereignty and love have been more alive and more real to me now than ever before. He continues to show Himself faithful to me. I have witnessed spiritual warfare in my home and felt His tremendous power battling for me. I have felt the prayers of His people rebuking Satan on my behalf. I have experienced the gentle touch of His grace and the startling jolt of His discipline. God's heart is so good, so pure. I have finally come to understand, more clearly, what it means to have confidence in and truly BELIEVE in the goodness of His heart. Merely being obedient isn't what He wants... He wants my love. He is so sweet. I am desperate for Him to continue working in me.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Long time
I've missed posting, but it's been hard to write between being so annoyed with this website and not being home to write anyway. I am seriously looking into options for moving my blog... myblog.com is down so much that it's practically useless.
Don and I have been swamped lately! Last week, we taught crafts to the 1st thru 5th graders at Bible school. That tied us up for 3 hours every night, not to mention all the prep work in the weeks prior. It was fun, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, but I'm glad to have some time to myself again.
The week before Bible school, we went with the teenagers from our church to Kentucky for a mission trip in the coalfields. The area where we served was very similar to West Virginia, and the mission work my small group was doing was elderly-focused, so I was in my element the whole time as far as the actual ministry went. What was more challenging to me was hanging around with teenagers, but it was fun and much easier than I was anticipating! I didn't think I'd be "cool enough" for them, but apparently Don and I have got more going on than we realized about ourselves. I give God ALL the credit for that! He's loosened me up quite a bit over the last ten years.
Other big news: Don got the job with Alcoa! He started yesterday... what an answer to prayer! 3 months of interviews, tests, and waiting... and it all worked out.
Don and I have been swamped lately! Last week, we taught crafts to the 1st thru 5th graders at Bible school. That tied us up for 3 hours every night, not to mention all the prep work in the weeks prior. It was fun, and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, but I'm glad to have some time to myself again.
The week before Bible school, we went with the teenagers from our church to Kentucky for a mission trip in the coalfields. The area where we served was very similar to West Virginia, and the mission work my small group was doing was elderly-focused, so I was in my element the whole time as far as the actual ministry went. What was more challenging to me was hanging around with teenagers, but it was fun and much easier than I was anticipating! I didn't think I'd be "cool enough" for them, but apparently Don and I have got more going on than we realized about ourselves. I give God ALL the credit for that! He's loosened me up quite a bit over the last ten years.
Other big news: Don got the job with Alcoa! He started yesterday... what an answer to prayer! 3 months of interviews, tests, and waiting... and it all worked out.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Happy birthday to me!
Okay, so my birthday's not really until tomorrow, but I'm already celebrating!
I tend to reflect a bit each year at this time, to take stock of who I am and who I want to be by the time the next birthday rolls around.
I will be 27 tomorrow. One thing I realized today (which I found to be somewhat depressing) is that I no longer have any milestone birthdays to look forward to. 16, 18, 21, great for obvious reasons. I couldn't wait to turn 25 because I could finally rent a car without paying extra, plus my car insurance went down. (Yes, minor details, I know, but I was still happy about it!) I'm grateful for each day and each year I'm given, but now I'm not wishing to be any other age than exactly what I am.
I have never known anything but youth, and it troubles me to know that it won't be long before I'm not considered young in age or in appearance. People usually mistake me for being younger than my actual age. I don't think I even act my age, honestly. As far as maturity and responsibility go, I think I'm pretty average. But when it comes to being a WOMAN, acting grown-up and ladylike, I feel so far behind the curve. I still feel like a clumsy little kid!
I find myself looking in the mirror, wondering when the day will come when I think I look old. I hope it's never! My hair is still long with its youthful shine, although I find gray hairs multiplying at an alarming rate. I still don't have any traces of wrinkles anywhere on my face, and my skin still looks good. I weigh more now than I ever have and though I'm not overweight, I could definitely stand to lose five or ten pounds. I'm no longer brave enough to wear a bikini, but with a little effort I guess I still could.
My career is stalled out, but I'm not terribly worried about it. We're okay financially. I know I have the ability to do whatever I want, it's just trying to decide what. I've learned that I don't have to prove anything to anybody!! I've tasted enough personal success in my life to be happy with what I've accomplished so far.
The smartest decision I ever made was latching onto my husband and saying yes when he proposed. Seeing him come in the door from work makes every day seem like a birthday for me.
I have amazing friends, relationships that have years-old roots that just keep growing deeper. I think God has been more than gracious in blessing me through these people who have CHOSEN to love me.
For my 27th birthday... this is what I want...
"For God did not give me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." - 2 Timothy 1:7
I read that verse last night and was stopped short. This is exactly my heart!
- A spirit of POWER - No doubting! Push the envelope a little more. Talk to the homeless guy. Pray with people I don't know well. Be more open about what God's doing in my life. Jump right in even though I'm not sure how it'll work out. Let God take care of the rest.
- A spirit of LOVE - Respond with kindness instead of telling people what they deserve to hear. Lose the impatience and take time to listen. Stop harboring resentment. Shut my own mouth. Actively lay myself down to build others up.
- A spirit of SELF-DISCIPLINE - Spend less time online and more time reading. Exercise. Quit eating so much chocolate. Read my Bible and clean the house even when I don't feel like it. Get to work on time!
I tend to reflect a bit each year at this time, to take stock of who I am and who I want to be by the time the next birthday rolls around.
I will be 27 tomorrow. One thing I realized today (which I found to be somewhat depressing) is that I no longer have any milestone birthdays to look forward to. 16, 18, 21, great for obvious reasons. I couldn't wait to turn 25 because I could finally rent a car without paying extra, plus my car insurance went down. (Yes, minor details, I know, but I was still happy about it!) I'm grateful for each day and each year I'm given, but now I'm not wishing to be any other age than exactly what I am.
I have never known anything but youth, and it troubles me to know that it won't be long before I'm not considered young in age or in appearance. People usually mistake me for being younger than my actual age. I don't think I even act my age, honestly. As far as maturity and responsibility go, I think I'm pretty average. But when it comes to being a WOMAN, acting grown-up and ladylike, I feel so far behind the curve. I still feel like a clumsy little kid!
I find myself looking in the mirror, wondering when the day will come when I think I look old. I hope it's never! My hair is still long with its youthful shine, although I find gray hairs multiplying at an alarming rate. I still don't have any traces of wrinkles anywhere on my face, and my skin still looks good. I weigh more now than I ever have and though I'm not overweight, I could definitely stand to lose five or ten pounds. I'm no longer brave enough to wear a bikini, but with a little effort I guess I still could.
My career is stalled out, but I'm not terribly worried about it. We're okay financially. I know I have the ability to do whatever I want, it's just trying to decide what. I've learned that I don't have to prove anything to anybody!! I've tasted enough personal success in my life to be happy with what I've accomplished so far.
The smartest decision I ever made was latching onto my husband and saying yes when he proposed. Seeing him come in the door from work makes every day seem like a birthday for me.
I have amazing friends, relationships that have years-old roots that just keep growing deeper. I think God has been more than gracious in blessing me through these people who have CHOSEN to love me.
For my 27th birthday... this is what I want...
"For God did not give me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." - 2 Timothy 1:7
I read that verse last night and was stopped short. This is exactly my heart!
- A spirit of POWER - No doubting! Push the envelope a little more. Talk to the homeless guy. Pray with people I don't know well. Be more open about what God's doing in my life. Jump right in even though I'm not sure how it'll work out. Let God take care of the rest.
- A spirit of LOVE - Respond with kindness instead of telling people what they deserve to hear. Lose the impatience and take time to listen. Stop harboring resentment. Shut my own mouth. Actively lay myself down to build others up.
- A spirit of SELF-DISCIPLINE - Spend less time online and more time reading. Exercise. Quit eating so much chocolate. Read my Bible and clean the house even when I don't feel like it. Get to work on time!
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
Why can't we shut up?
I'm talking about cell phones. What IS it with our culture now to where everybody has to be so connected? What's wrong with being quiet and being ALONE?
And what is WITH these ridiculous earpieces that I see so many people wearing? Do they really think they're so important that they must be reached at all times? Do they enjoy being so accessible?
And why is it suddenly accepted social behavior to ignore everyone around you to blab away on the phone? You know what REALLY gets me? It's these people who go shopping, talking loudly the whole time as they walk around, then go to check out and are so preoccupied with themselves and their conversation that they don't even treat the cashier as a person. No acknowledgement whatsoever that they are face-to-face with a breathing human being.
I used to see this all the time at Wal-Mart or the grocery store. Now it happens to me at the bookstore, and I refuse to wait on someone who's on the phone and won't acknowledge me. I either walk off or simply stand there and give them the death stare until they bother to look up. Then I hit them with twenty questions to MAKE them talk to me.
Don and I were at Wal-Mart today, sitting on a bench looking at the pictures we just picked up, and I noticed this attractive young woman, probably in her early 30's. She had a boy about a year old who was sitting in her shopping cart, and he was squirming and babbling away to her. She was talking on her cell phone, meandering through the shoe department and completely ignoring the boy in the cart. About 5 minutes later, I hear, "Emerson? Emerson! Where are you?!" Here she comes, totally panicked, pacing through the store looking for her OTHER son (undoubtedly the small boy of about 4 years who I noticed walking alone a few minutes earlier). Her frantic yelling continued for several more minutes until she finally found him. I wonder if it ever clicked in her mind that she should quit chatting and start parenting her kids.
Cell phones are great, usually. I have one. It's useful in an emergency or if you're grocery shopping for an unfamiliar ingredient and have to call Mom. But there is a time and a place to use them. "Anytime" and "anywhere" are not appropriate.
I'd like to ask God about His opinion on this. I wonder if he would point me here to Colossians 4:5-6a:
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace..."
And what is WITH these ridiculous earpieces that I see so many people wearing? Do they really think they're so important that they must be reached at all times? Do they enjoy being so accessible?
And why is it suddenly accepted social behavior to ignore everyone around you to blab away on the phone? You know what REALLY gets me? It's these people who go shopping, talking loudly the whole time as they walk around, then go to check out and are so preoccupied with themselves and their conversation that they don't even treat the cashier as a person. No acknowledgement whatsoever that they are face-to-face with a breathing human being.
I used to see this all the time at Wal-Mart or the grocery store. Now it happens to me at the bookstore, and I refuse to wait on someone who's on the phone and won't acknowledge me. I either walk off or simply stand there and give them the death stare until they bother to look up. Then I hit them with twenty questions to MAKE them talk to me.
Don and I were at Wal-Mart today, sitting on a bench looking at the pictures we just picked up, and I noticed this attractive young woman, probably in her early 30's. She had a boy about a year old who was sitting in her shopping cart, and he was squirming and babbling away to her. She was talking on her cell phone, meandering through the shoe department and completely ignoring the boy in the cart. About 5 minutes later, I hear, "Emerson? Emerson! Where are you?!" Here she comes, totally panicked, pacing through the store looking for her OTHER son (undoubtedly the small boy of about 4 years who I noticed walking alone a few minutes earlier). Her frantic yelling continued for several more minutes until she finally found him. I wonder if it ever clicked in her mind that she should quit chatting and start parenting her kids.
Cell phones are great, usually. I have one. It's useful in an emergency or if you're grocery shopping for an unfamiliar ingredient and have to call Mom. But there is a time and a place to use them. "Anytime" and "anywhere" are not appropriate.
I'd like to ask God about His opinion on this. I wonder if he would point me here to Colossians 4:5-6a:
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace..."
Monday, May 1, 2006
Mercy Me!
So we had tickets to the Mercy Me concert last night. It was good and I enjoyed it, but they didn't engage me as much as I thought they would. I'm not sure what I was expecting! I did love hearing "I can only imagine" performed live, though.
We had great church services today as well. I walked out feeling so full and uplifted, not that I was in some deep depression before. I don't know; it was just nice! Tonight, our missionary from the Phillippines, Diana, spoke about what's been going on with her for the past year. She is this cute, tiny little woman, and she's been over there by herself doing very controversial things and trusting people she doesn't know in a world entirely different from her home here. Listening to her stories and looking at her pictures... well, it made me realize that I'm really not brave at all.
Sometimes I think that I want a life that breaks the mold. What would it be like to throw my conventional existence to the wind, and move to Brazil or Russia to be a missionary? I wish I had more than one life to live, so I could try different things without lasting consequences. But I also want to live in relative safety, to have 2.5 kids and a dog and a house with a front yard and a big porch, and to go to church and cook dinner for my friends and family. I guess that wins out over wild adventures. For today, anyway.
I heard from Megan, my friend in jail for murder. She sent me a long letter, and a very detailed one at that. She really opened up to me and told me a lot of things that I was surprised to hear. Her spirits were amazingly high in spite of her current situation, and she was still the same old Megan. I just hope that the truth comes out in her trial.
We had great church services today as well. I walked out feeling so full and uplifted, not that I was in some deep depression before. I don't know; it was just nice! Tonight, our missionary from the Phillippines, Diana, spoke about what's been going on with her for the past year. She is this cute, tiny little woman, and she's been over there by herself doing very controversial things and trusting people she doesn't know in a world entirely different from her home here. Listening to her stories and looking at her pictures... well, it made me realize that I'm really not brave at all.
Sometimes I think that I want a life that breaks the mold. What would it be like to throw my conventional existence to the wind, and move to Brazil or Russia to be a missionary? I wish I had more than one life to live, so I could try different things without lasting consequences. But I also want to live in relative safety, to have 2.5 kids and a dog and a house with a front yard and a big porch, and to go to church and cook dinner for my friends and family. I guess that wins out over wild adventures. For today, anyway.
I heard from Megan, my friend in jail for murder. She sent me a long letter, and a very detailed one at that. She really opened up to me and told me a lot of things that I was surprised to hear. Her spirits were amazingly high in spite of her current situation, and she was still the same old Megan. I just hope that the truth comes out in her trial.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Wow!
Last week I was blessed with three days of pure heaven!
Don and I finally got to go on our long-awaited camping trip to Cumberland Island, Georgia, down on the Florida border. Let me give you an idea of what this place is like. 18 miles long. 300 people a day allowed there, and most of them are day-trippers. Only reachable by boat. No electric, no hot water, no lights, no clocks, no phones, no shops, nothing but what God put there!
So what did we do? Whatever we felt like doing! We hiked on Friday and Saturday, and hung out on the beach the ENTIRE day on Sunday. We watched the lightning bugs and wild horses and armadillos and shooting stars. We ate the food we carried in and enjoyed every bite. We didn't have showers and didn't even care. We experienced God's love through the peaceful songs of the birds, the funny scurrying of the crabs, and the warmth of the sun on our skin. And we fell more in love with each other. :)
Don and I finally got to go on our long-awaited camping trip to Cumberland Island, Georgia, down on the Florida border. Let me give you an idea of what this place is like. 18 miles long. 300 people a day allowed there, and most of them are day-trippers. Only reachable by boat. No electric, no hot water, no lights, no clocks, no phones, no shops, nothing but what God put there!
So what did we do? Whatever we felt like doing! We hiked on Friday and Saturday, and hung out on the beach the ENTIRE day on Sunday. We watched the lightning bugs and wild horses and armadillos and shooting stars. We ate the food we carried in and enjoyed every bite. We didn't have showers and didn't even care. We experienced God's love through the peaceful songs of the birds, the funny scurrying of the crabs, and the warmth of the sun on our skin. And we fell more in love with each other. :)
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Long time
It's been 2 weeks since I've been here... *sigh*... myblog.com's getting on my nerves. Sometimes the site's not even up. Perhaps I should move. We'll see.
I'm tired, but well. Getting ready to go camping at the beach, but first I have to put in a long day's work tomorrow. I can't wait to write of the adventures I'm sure we'll have this week!
More soon, hopefully.
I'm tired, but well. Getting ready to go camping at the beach, but first I have to put in a long day's work tomorrow. I can't wait to write of the adventures I'm sure we'll have this week!
More soon, hopefully.
Tuesday, April 4, 2006
Resolution
I finally heard on the news today about what happened with the woman we convicted when I served on jury duty last month...
From the Knoxville News-Sentinel...
Woman gets jail time for trying to hit boy
Judge says reckless endangerment case was racially motivated
By JAMIE SATTERFIELD, satterfield@knews.com April 4, 2006
She called them stupid.
She said they weren't welcome in her West Knox County neighborhood. She labeled them with a word the young boys, ages 6 and 9, had never before heard.
Harold A. Hall confronted her. She rebuffed him. He turned the other cheek.
She sped toward the youngest as if to strike him with her Jeep Cherokee, veering away at the last second.
Hall wanted revenge. He sought justice instead.
On Monday, Hall came to Knox County Criminal Court with his sons in tow and asked Judge Richard Baumgartner to prove the lesson he had tried to instill in his boys: People of character seek help from the law. They do not take it into their own hands.
"I could have responded and did evil to her, but that was not what I wanted to do," Hall told the judge.
Baumgartner answered Hall's plea by ordering 58-year-old Sharon Kay Martin jailed for 90 days for a reckless endangerment conviction in a case the judge said was racially motivated.
"I remember this case very well," Baumgartner said. "It was a troubling case. There certainly was raised an issue of whether this act by Mrs. Martin was a racially motivated act. She denied that.
"I'm convinced ... that there were racial overtones," Baumgartner said. "I think the fact that (the Halls) were African-Americans and they were in her neighborhood was an issue in this case."
A jury convicted Martin last month of endangering Hall's 6-year-old son, Terrell Hall, in July 2004 in an incident on Tyrone Drive near Carlton Circle that came after a series of encounters between Martin and the Hall sons.
Assistant District Attorney General Takisha Fitzgerald said Martin, who is white, was upset that the Halls had moved into the neighborhood.
"That's the driving force in this case," Fitzgerald argued at Martin's sentencing hearing Monday. "She was mad because this black family has enough money to live in her neighborhood."
She said trial testimony showed that Martin twice confronted Terrell and his 9-year-old brother, Terrance, while the boys rode their bicycles on the street near her Tyrone Drive home in June 2004.
The boys' mother, Te'Retta Hall, testified at the trial that Martin called the boys stupid in one encounter and later used the n-word to describe them, a term she said the boys were unfamiliar with.
On July 19, 2004, testimony showed, Martin drove past the boys as they played outside, turned the vehicle around, revved the engine, swerved toward Terrell and then veered away.
Martin admitted warning the boys to stay out of the road near her home but insisted her words had been "twisted," according to a pre-sentence report. She denied at trial using a racial slur. She blamed medication for her faulty driving, according to defense attorney Jake Werner.
Martin said nothing at Monday's hearing.
Baumgartner is allowing Martin to remain free on bond pending an appeal.
From the Knoxville News-Sentinel...
Woman gets jail time for trying to hit boy
Judge says reckless endangerment case was racially motivated
By JAMIE SATTERFIELD, satterfield@knews.com April 4, 2006
She called them stupid.
She said they weren't welcome in her West Knox County neighborhood. She labeled them with a word the young boys, ages 6 and 9, had never before heard.
Harold A. Hall confronted her. She rebuffed him. He turned the other cheek.
She sped toward the youngest as if to strike him with her Jeep Cherokee, veering away at the last second.
Hall wanted revenge. He sought justice instead.
On Monday, Hall came to Knox County Criminal Court with his sons in tow and asked Judge Richard Baumgartner to prove the lesson he had tried to instill in his boys: People of character seek help from the law. They do not take it into their own hands.
"I could have responded and did evil to her, but that was not what I wanted to do," Hall told the judge.
Baumgartner answered Hall's plea by ordering 58-year-old Sharon Kay Martin jailed for 90 days for a reckless endangerment conviction in a case the judge said was racially motivated.
"I remember this case very well," Baumgartner said. "It was a troubling case. There certainly was raised an issue of whether this act by Mrs. Martin was a racially motivated act. She denied that.
"I'm convinced ... that there were racial overtones," Baumgartner said. "I think the fact that (the Halls) were African-Americans and they were in her neighborhood was an issue in this case."
A jury convicted Martin last month of endangering Hall's 6-year-old son, Terrell Hall, in July 2004 in an incident on Tyrone Drive near Carlton Circle that came after a series of encounters between Martin and the Hall sons.
Assistant District Attorney General Takisha Fitzgerald said Martin, who is white, was upset that the Halls had moved into the neighborhood.
"That's the driving force in this case," Fitzgerald argued at Martin's sentencing hearing Monday. "She was mad because this black family has enough money to live in her neighborhood."
She said trial testimony showed that Martin twice confronted Terrell and his 9-year-old brother, Terrance, while the boys rode their bicycles on the street near her Tyrone Drive home in June 2004.
The boys' mother, Te'Retta Hall, testified at the trial that Martin called the boys stupid in one encounter and later used the n-word to describe them, a term she said the boys were unfamiliar with.
On July 19, 2004, testimony showed, Martin drove past the boys as they played outside, turned the vehicle around, revved the engine, swerved toward Terrell and then veered away.
Martin admitted warning the boys to stay out of the road near her home but insisted her words had been "twisted," according to a pre-sentence report. She denied at trial using a racial slur. She blamed medication for her faulty driving, according to defense attorney Jake Werner.
Martin said nothing at Monday's hearing.
Baumgartner is allowing Martin to remain free on bond pending an appeal.
Monday, April 3, 2006
Murder hits home... again
It's hard to believe that only a few nights ago I was musing about murderers and the death penalty.
I know two people who have been murdered, both were domestic violence situations. The first while I was in college, and it happened to Eric Sparks, a popular guy from high school who I worked with on the yearbook staff. He went to his (female) youth minister's house to help her after receiving a call that her angry ex-boyfriend had shown up and she was afraid. The ex wounded her, killed Eric, then committed suicide.
The second case was last year, about my friend Mark Newton who was our nurse practitioner at Briarcliff. He and I were work buddies, the kind of person I didn't socialize with outside of work but whose company I always sought when I was there. He was separated from his wife, and had a girlfriend who was estranged from her abusive husband. His girlfriend's husband showed up at her apartment one day and killed both her and Mark. What really gets me about Mark is that I know how tormented he was by his own demons in the months prior to his death. The week before he died, we had another long conversation about his situation, how he wanted to make things right and heal his family, but he didn't know how to change things. The Christian marriage counselor he and his wife went to actually told them to just get a divorce. Unfortunately, Mark never got a chance to try again. I miss him so much, still. He pops into my thoughts at the strangest times, and it always takes my breath.
Today, I learned of yet ANOTHER situation, only this time the plot's a little different. Ben e-mailed me about a friend of ours from home, Megan, who shot her husband 15 times and now she's held under 2.5 million bond. Megan and I were both leaders in our youth group and were nearly inseparable at church until she moved to Ohio with her family. When she turned 18, she married this ugly goofy guy who was in his 40's. Apparently she had her family's blessing on this, which nobody could figure out. They had 2 kids and that's the last I heard of her until, according to the news, they were estranged, she'd been in domestic violence shelters, all sorts of bad stuff. Then she went to his house and emptied 2 guns into him.
I just don't get it. Her mom used to be my Sunday School teacher! Megan is beautiful and smart and apparently more unstable than either Ben or I realized, and we were both close to her. Who knows what has happened in the years since I've last seen her?
God, help me to understand!
I know two people who have been murdered, both were domestic violence situations. The first while I was in college, and it happened to Eric Sparks, a popular guy from high school who I worked with on the yearbook staff. He went to his (female) youth minister's house to help her after receiving a call that her angry ex-boyfriend had shown up and she was afraid. The ex wounded her, killed Eric, then committed suicide.
The second case was last year, about my friend Mark Newton who was our nurse practitioner at Briarcliff. He and I were work buddies, the kind of person I didn't socialize with outside of work but whose company I always sought when I was there. He was separated from his wife, and had a girlfriend who was estranged from her abusive husband. His girlfriend's husband showed up at her apartment one day and killed both her and Mark. What really gets me about Mark is that I know how tormented he was by his own demons in the months prior to his death. The week before he died, we had another long conversation about his situation, how he wanted to make things right and heal his family, but he didn't know how to change things. The Christian marriage counselor he and his wife went to actually told them to just get a divorce. Unfortunately, Mark never got a chance to try again. I miss him so much, still. He pops into my thoughts at the strangest times, and it always takes my breath.
Today, I learned of yet ANOTHER situation, only this time the plot's a little different. Ben e-mailed me about a friend of ours from home, Megan, who shot her husband 15 times and now she's held under 2.5 million bond. Megan and I were both leaders in our youth group and were nearly inseparable at church until she moved to Ohio with her family. When she turned 18, she married this ugly goofy guy who was in his 40's. Apparently she had her family's blessing on this, which nobody could figure out. They had 2 kids and that's the last I heard of her until, according to the news, they were estranged, she'd been in domestic violence shelters, all sorts of bad stuff. Then she went to his house and emptied 2 guns into him.
I just don't get it. Her mom used to be my Sunday School teacher! Megan is beautiful and smart and apparently more unstable than either Ben or I realized, and we were both close to her. Who knows what has happened in the years since I've last seen her?
God, help me to understand!
Friday, March 31, 2006
Movies, the death penalty, and other happy thoughts
No more flu! I'm still coughing a lot, but I feel fine!
We've got a pretty crazy/fun month ahead of us! We're leaving tomorrow night for Atlanta to visit my parents. I haven't been down to see their new place yet since they moved. Lots to explore! Don's going to New Hampshire the next weekend, and later in the month we're taking a short vacation to Cumberland Island, Georgia, for our first camping trip of the season! Ohhhhh, I can't WAIT!
Spent last weekend in Gatlinburg for a conference through work. We set up a bookstore in the convention center and worked ourselves to death, but it was fun! I can't imagine three people I'd rather be stuck with than the ones who were with me on that trip. My friend and co-worker Jennie made an excellent roommate, and the guys were so sweetly protective of us. I love a man who knows how to respectfully defer to a lady! Guess I'm a bit old fashioned. :)
We saw "Memoirs of a Geisha" in the theater on Tuesday night. To me, it was the kind of movie you see once and that's enough. It was interesting although a bit depressing. Kind of like "Walk the Line". I would probably fall asleep if I had to watch either one of those movies again (I'm notorious for sleeping through movies, even in the theater).
During my Bible study last night, I ran across a verse that shaped my view on the death penalty. I've always been unconcerned with it. You would never find me campaigning on the steps of the courthouse with a megaphone and an Uzi.
But now, I actually do have an opinion.I found this verse...
"As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways!" - Ezekiel 33:11.
Another scenario in Luke 9:51-56 also supports this. To me, this practically spells out that God doesn't give up on ANYBODY! I've always known that God's compassion is never-ending, but for some reason I had it in my head that there was a clause somewhere that said it was OK to kill murderers and rapists in order for them to be held accountable for their crimes. It is hard for me to accept this given that one of my friends from work was murdered just over a year ago, and that his killer, while awaiting trial, is now out living his life like nothing ever happened. "Angry" doesn't even begin to describe my feelings about that situation! But if the God I love is truly full of love and grace, than I have to accept that He extends it to my friend's murderer, too. I mean, I've known that in my HEAD but I haven't believed it in my HEART. I can tell that I will be turning those verses around in my head for a long time.
It is so human for us to want others to be judged, but not feel the same desire for them to be forgiven.
We've got a pretty crazy/fun month ahead of us! We're leaving tomorrow night for Atlanta to visit my parents. I haven't been down to see their new place yet since they moved. Lots to explore! Don's going to New Hampshire the next weekend, and later in the month we're taking a short vacation to Cumberland Island, Georgia, for our first camping trip of the season! Ohhhhh, I can't WAIT!
Spent last weekend in Gatlinburg for a conference through work. We set up a bookstore in the convention center and worked ourselves to death, but it was fun! I can't imagine three people I'd rather be stuck with than the ones who were with me on that trip. My friend and co-worker Jennie made an excellent roommate, and the guys were so sweetly protective of us. I love a man who knows how to respectfully defer to a lady! Guess I'm a bit old fashioned. :)
We saw "Memoirs of a Geisha" in the theater on Tuesday night. To me, it was the kind of movie you see once and that's enough. It was interesting although a bit depressing. Kind of like "Walk the Line". I would probably fall asleep if I had to watch either one of those movies again (I'm notorious for sleeping through movies, even in the theater).
During my Bible study last night, I ran across a verse that shaped my view on the death penalty. I've always been unconcerned with it. You would never find me campaigning on the steps of the courthouse with a megaphone and an Uzi.
But now, I actually do have an opinion.I found this verse...
"As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways!" - Ezekiel 33:11.
Another scenario in Luke 9:51-56 also supports this. To me, this practically spells out that God doesn't give up on ANYBODY! I've always known that God's compassion is never-ending, but for some reason I had it in my head that there was a clause somewhere that said it was OK to kill murderers and rapists in order for them to be held accountable for their crimes. It is hard for me to accept this given that one of my friends from work was murdered just over a year ago, and that his killer, while awaiting trial, is now out living his life like nothing ever happened. "Angry" doesn't even begin to describe my feelings about that situation! But if the God I love is truly full of love and grace, than I have to accept that He extends it to my friend's murderer, too. I mean, I've known that in my HEAD but I haven't believed it in my HEART. I can tell that I will be turning those verses around in my head for a long time.
It is so human for us to want others to be judged, but not feel the same desire for them to be forgiven.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Gifts from our loving God
While I’ve been sick, I’ve had plenty of time to lay around and think. Sometimes being ill can be a blessing because it forces you to stop running, you know? So I decided to reflect on some specific moments of pure joy. Everybody has times of being on top of the world, of being totally exhilarated, in pure bliss. I’ve been fortunate to have my fair share of those times, and I don’t want to forget them.
So here are some of the absolute best moments of my life thus far, in no particular order of importance:
1. When Don proposed to me. We were in Maine, on a deserted beach at sunset on the day after Christmas in 2003. He asked me, and I didn’t believe him. But he eventually convinced me he was serious! We kissed and laughed and cried and prayed and froze ourselves to death. I remember excitedly discussing our wedding plans that night over dinner, and sightseeing in Kennebunkport the next day. I have never experienced anything so thrilling or intense as those 2 days!
2. On my first trip to Hawaii when I was 23, at the seven sacred pools in Maui. On the trail to the pools was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. The grass was plush and soft, the water perfectly blue, the air so sweet. My friend snapped a picture of me here… I was standing in the sun, my head thrown back, eyes closed, blissful smile, arms up, just totally immersed in the beauty of that place.
3. Becoming a Christian. I was only 9, but I remember how euphoric I was when I left the church that night. It was for real!
4. Don’s baptism was surreal to me. I’d rather not post the details here, even though there’s no secret about it. I just don’t think I could explain it all well enough here to do it justice.
5. My first kiss. I was 16, a late bloomer (for which I am thankful, in hindsight!). Ben was a strapping 6’7 and had to practically pick me up to kiss me. We found out later that we made much better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. We still talk now and he even brought his wife to my wedding! Cheers to you, Ben!
6. My friends Brian and Heather’s wedding. They were both close personal friends of mine long before they started dating each other. I saw each of them through their periods of their “I want to be married / Will I ever find ’the one’?” concern. I was there to watch their relationship bloom from casual friendship to deep love, and I was blessed to stand with them in front of the church on their wedding day. Ain’t NOBODY getting the grin off my face that day! My friend Joy’s wedding was similar. That’s the good stuff, being with people you love on the most important day of their lives!
7. The day I closed on my house. Receiving the keys and coming into my house alone for the first time, knowing that I worked hard to earn it and it was truly MINE!
8. Walking down the aisle on my wedding day, and seeing my smiling, crying, gorgeous husband-to-be waiting for me there.
9. Coming in first place out of several hundred people while playing “Who wants to be a millionnaire?” at MGM studios. I didn’t actually win anything but bragging rights, but it sure was an awesome ego boost!
10. This is going to sound weird, but I had a pure bliss moment while sitting in an Irish pub in Halifax. I had spent the previous week in the company of a good friend of mine, exploring Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island, doing whatever we felt like doing. The day before we had to leave, we found ourselves tired and hanging out in a pub late on a Saturday afternoon. We spent three hours having truly interesting conversation with several brand-new friends, and the musicians there were actually dedicating songs to the “two ladies from Tennessee”. I remember taking stock of the moment and bubbling over with happiness inside. I remember how confident and beautiful and alive I felt, and how I realized that my life was exactly what I had hoped it would be at that time. I was making money, making friends, dating, traveling, and having exciting adventures. I was on top of my game!
11. The night of my high school graduation. I had a cute boyfriend, a thrilled and supportive family, college scholarships, and a ticket out of town! Yee-haw!!
This collection of memories may not seem all that significant. I have so many other more “important” things I could write about, but I wanted to limit this list to those that stand out (for whatever reason) as the vividly blissful mountaintop experiences.
EVERY beautiful thing that happens in my life has been a gift from God! I am grateful to Him for giving me these experiences that have brought me so much joy. Even if some terrible tragedy were to happen to me tomorrow, don’t feel sorry for me… I have been blessed.
To close with lyrics from one of my new favorite songs, which inspires me to keep the wildness in my heart alive:
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
So here are some of the absolute best moments of my life thus far, in no particular order of importance:
1. When Don proposed to me. We were in Maine, on a deserted beach at sunset on the day after Christmas in 2003. He asked me, and I didn’t believe him. But he eventually convinced me he was serious! We kissed and laughed and cried and prayed and froze ourselves to death. I remember excitedly discussing our wedding plans that night over dinner, and sightseeing in Kennebunkport the next day. I have never experienced anything so thrilling or intense as those 2 days!
2. On my first trip to Hawaii when I was 23, at the seven sacred pools in Maui. On the trail to the pools was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. The grass was plush and soft, the water perfectly blue, the air so sweet. My friend snapped a picture of me here… I was standing in the sun, my head thrown back, eyes closed, blissful smile, arms up, just totally immersed in the beauty of that place.
3. Becoming a Christian. I was only 9, but I remember how euphoric I was when I left the church that night. It was for real!
4. Don’s baptism was surreal to me. I’d rather not post the details here, even though there’s no secret about it. I just don’t think I could explain it all well enough here to do it justice.
5. My first kiss. I was 16, a late bloomer (for which I am thankful, in hindsight!). Ben was a strapping 6’7 and had to practically pick me up to kiss me. We found out later that we made much better friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. We still talk now and he even brought his wife to my wedding! Cheers to you, Ben!
6. My friends Brian and Heather’s wedding. They were both close personal friends of mine long before they started dating each other. I saw each of them through their periods of their “I want to be married / Will I ever find ’the one’?” concern. I was there to watch their relationship bloom from casual friendship to deep love, and I was blessed to stand with them in front of the church on their wedding day. Ain’t NOBODY getting the grin off my face that day! My friend Joy’s wedding was similar. That’s the good stuff, being with people you love on the most important day of their lives!
7. The day I closed on my house. Receiving the keys and coming into my house alone for the first time, knowing that I worked hard to earn it and it was truly MINE!
8. Walking down the aisle on my wedding day, and seeing my smiling, crying, gorgeous husband-to-be waiting for me there.
9. Coming in first place out of several hundred people while playing “Who wants to be a millionnaire?” at MGM studios. I didn’t actually win anything but bragging rights, but it sure was an awesome ego boost!
10. This is going to sound weird, but I had a pure bliss moment while sitting in an Irish pub in Halifax. I had spent the previous week in the company of a good friend of mine, exploring Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island, doing whatever we felt like doing. The day before we had to leave, we found ourselves tired and hanging out in a pub late on a Saturday afternoon. We spent three hours having truly interesting conversation with several brand-new friends, and the musicians there were actually dedicating songs to the “two ladies from Tennessee”. I remember taking stock of the moment and bubbling over with happiness inside. I remember how confident and beautiful and alive I felt, and how I realized that my life was exactly what I had hoped it would be at that time. I was making money, making friends, dating, traveling, and having exciting adventures. I was on top of my game!
11. The night of my high school graduation. I had a cute boyfriend, a thrilled and supportive family, college scholarships, and a ticket out of town! Yee-haw!!
This collection of memories may not seem all that significant. I have so many other more “important” things I could write about, but I wanted to limit this list to those that stand out (for whatever reason) as the vividly blissful mountaintop experiences.
EVERY beautiful thing that happens in my life has been a gift from God! I am grateful to Him for giving me these experiences that have brought me so much joy. Even if some terrible tragedy were to happen to me tomorrow, don’t feel sorry for me… I have been blessed.
To close with lyrics from one of my new favorite songs, which inspires me to keep the wildness in my heart alive:
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Sunday, March 19, 2006
It got me
I guess it was inevitable... now I have the flu. It's not fun. I've been out of bed for 4 hours and I think it's time to go back in.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Random updates
Don has the flu. REAL bad. As in 102.5 degree fever, fetal position on the floor, constant pain, sleeping all the time bad!
As for other, slightly better news, we have a lot of that...
First off, Don's parents: His dad ran for election for cemetery commissioner in NH, and election day was Tuesday. Unfortunately, he lost, but he didn't get stomped. His first foray into politics, even! I'm so proud of him for putting himself out there. He's a pretty cool guy. Wacky, but cool.
Don's mom is doing GREAT! For all of her troubles, it looks like she's finally seeing the sun. She's even being baptized on April 9. Tonight I booked a flight for Don so he can be there to surprise her.
Don's applying for a job with Alcoa. He had one interview and had to go to the plant to take an aptitude test, and we found out today that he passed! Hopefully this will lead to a job offer! Alcoa's got a great reputation in the community. He'd get a huge raise, free insurance, lots of advancement opportunities, etc. It would have to be easier for him than what he's doing now!
I talked with my stepdad Bob on Sunday for the first time in weeks. I feel so guilty... I've been such a self-absorbed brat! He's lived alone in Atlanta for almost 2 months now, and I have yet to send him one piece of mail or even call him. I have absolutely no excuse. I feel horrible! It's one of those deals where time simply got away from me. I didn't mean to ignore him; it just happened. But I'm proud of him too, because he's adjusting much better than I thought he would. He's starting to explore the city, taking himself out to eat and meeting people at church. After our conversation, I talked with my mom for awhile. I think that maybe I'm starting to see some of why God's allowed all of the craziness in their lives... this move may have been the best thing that could've happened for Bob prior to his retirement. I can tell he's growing as a person, taking risks, and gaining confidence. I hope this will translate into an easier adjustment for him a year from now when's he's no longer working.
Hmmmm... what else... hopefully soon I'll have some good news of my own to share. And NO, not about babies!! At least, not yet!
Tonight I finished reading "The King of Torts" by John Grisham. It wasn't bad. Grisham's novels have lost some of their appeal in recent years... I think he's running out of ideas. I had "The Broker" from the library for 4 weeks but never could get into it. I've also been reading "Rachel's Tears", the story of Rachel Scott, a 17-yr-old who was killed at Columbine. Her parents wrote the book and include copies of excerpts from her journals. It's heartwrenching to read, especially where she wrote about knowing she would die within a year.
Sometimes I wonder what people would think about me if they read the stuff I wrote about when I was 17. I sure wasn't as focused on God as Rachel was in her journals. Yes, I had my faith then, but the guy-of-the-moment always got the spotlight. How different would I have been then if knew I would die in a year? How different would I be if that were the case right now? It's a sobering thought. I would like to tell myself that I'm where I want to be as a person, but that's far from the truth.
Guess I'd better hit the sack and get some rest. I'm trying my best to ward off the flu bug!
As for other, slightly better news, we have a lot of that...
First off, Don's parents: His dad ran for election for cemetery commissioner in NH, and election day was Tuesday. Unfortunately, he lost, but he didn't get stomped. His first foray into politics, even! I'm so proud of him for putting himself out there. He's a pretty cool guy. Wacky, but cool.
Don's mom is doing GREAT! For all of her troubles, it looks like she's finally seeing the sun. She's even being baptized on April 9. Tonight I booked a flight for Don so he can be there to surprise her.
Don's applying for a job with Alcoa. He had one interview and had to go to the plant to take an aptitude test, and we found out today that he passed! Hopefully this will lead to a job offer! Alcoa's got a great reputation in the community. He'd get a huge raise, free insurance, lots of advancement opportunities, etc. It would have to be easier for him than what he's doing now!
I talked with my stepdad Bob on Sunday for the first time in weeks. I feel so guilty... I've been such a self-absorbed brat! He's lived alone in Atlanta for almost 2 months now, and I have yet to send him one piece of mail or even call him. I have absolutely no excuse. I feel horrible! It's one of those deals where time simply got away from me. I didn't mean to ignore him; it just happened. But I'm proud of him too, because he's adjusting much better than I thought he would. He's starting to explore the city, taking himself out to eat and meeting people at church. After our conversation, I talked with my mom for awhile. I think that maybe I'm starting to see some of why God's allowed all of the craziness in their lives... this move may have been the best thing that could've happened for Bob prior to his retirement. I can tell he's growing as a person, taking risks, and gaining confidence. I hope this will translate into an easier adjustment for him a year from now when's he's no longer working.
Hmmmm... what else... hopefully soon I'll have some good news of my own to share. And NO, not about babies!! At least, not yet!
Tonight I finished reading "The King of Torts" by John Grisham. It wasn't bad. Grisham's novels have lost some of their appeal in recent years... I think he's running out of ideas. I had "The Broker" from the library for 4 weeks but never could get into it. I've also been reading "Rachel's Tears", the story of Rachel Scott, a 17-yr-old who was killed at Columbine. Her parents wrote the book and include copies of excerpts from her journals. It's heartwrenching to read, especially where she wrote about knowing she would die within a year.
Sometimes I wonder what people would think about me if they read the stuff I wrote about when I was 17. I sure wasn't as focused on God as Rachel was in her journals. Yes, I had my faith then, but the guy-of-the-moment always got the spotlight. How different would I have been then if knew I would die in a year? How different would I be if that were the case right now? It's a sobering thought. I would like to tell myself that I'm where I want to be as a person, but that's far from the truth.
Guess I'd better hit the sack and get some rest. I'm trying my best to ward off the flu bug!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Back to basics
Selling out just isn't me.
I had a meeting with the old boss and told him there was no amount of money that would get me back to Briarcliff. He was surprised that I was so unwilling to negotiate, but my heart was never at peace with the thought of being there again. It would have been, as one of my friends says, like staying in a bad relationship just for the sex. A bad analogy, maybe, but at least the point is clear.
On a far different note, music has been pretty much out of my life until this past year when I got involved in handbells again for the first time in 6 years. Then piano again here recently, and I forgot how much I've missed playing!! I feel so at home in front of a piano, and I know I actually do have a bit of ability which I feel bad for letting it go to waste for so long. I haven't had anywhere to practice except church, but I'm going to put some serious effort into acquiring a piano or keyboard somehow!
I've missed the creative side of me. I spent years ignoring it. After college, all of my energy went into working and socializing and dating and getting married. I didn't write, I didn't play music, I didn't cook. (Ohhh, how I love to cook!) Over the past several months, I've been getting to do all three again, and I've been so happy about it! I just didn't realize that I was out of balance.
Now... I'd REALLY be all set if I could just figure out something about a job... :)
I had a meeting with the old boss and told him there was no amount of money that would get me back to Briarcliff. He was surprised that I was so unwilling to negotiate, but my heart was never at peace with the thought of being there again. It would have been, as one of my friends says, like staying in a bad relationship just for the sex. A bad analogy, maybe, but at least the point is clear.
On a far different note, music has been pretty much out of my life until this past year when I got involved in handbells again for the first time in 6 years. Then piano again here recently, and I forgot how much I've missed playing!! I feel so at home in front of a piano, and I know I actually do have a bit of ability which I feel bad for letting it go to waste for so long. I haven't had anywhere to practice except church, but I'm going to put some serious effort into acquiring a piano or keyboard somehow!
I've missed the creative side of me. I spent years ignoring it. After college, all of my energy went into working and socializing and dating and getting married. I didn't write, I didn't play music, I didn't cook. (Ohhh, how I love to cook!) Over the past several months, I've been getting to do all three again, and I've been so happy about it! I just didn't realize that I was out of balance.
Now... I'd REALLY be all set if I could just figure out something about a job... :)
Thursday, March 2, 2006
Not an ordinary day
Wednesdays have become my favorite day of the week, since I'm off from work and can basically do anything I want to do. Today was dedicated to visiting. Went to Briarcliff, and had a heart-to-heart with one of my former coworkers whose husband and brother both died a couple of weeks ago. Then I saw Ida, who's losing weight AND her mind. Both visits were depressing, to say the least.
Afterwards, I drove a few hours to Kingsport to visit a friend whose grandpa's in the hospital, and after that I got together with my buddy Jason who I don't get to see very often now that he's moved away on me and gotten engaged. I think I actually made his day by going up there and making plans for dinner on the spur-of-the-moment. It's not often that I feel like people are THAT thrilled to see me, but it sure is nice when it happens!
This morning I received yet another call from my old boss at Briarcliff. This time, the replacement for my replacement quit. In other words, they've gone through 2 more social services directors since I left in August. He literally begged me to come back, and this time I told him I'd think about it and call him later. I am actually torn this time...
This time around... I have the upper hand. I can name my price and feel pretty confident that I would get what I want. Another point to note is that now all of my reasons for leaving have been validated. If 2 other women with 20-30 more years of experience can't take it, then obviously I am not the only one having problems with the system. A lot of things would have to change for me to work there again.
Am I selling out because I'm actually considering this? As miserable as I was when I worked there? Part of me wonders if the job might be tolerable again if I set the conditions from the beginning. I still haven't decided what to do with my career, but I know I need to do something where I'm making more money than I'm making now, and a golden opportunity is being waved in my face.
Why can't I have it all? I'm serious! I could stay at the store and have fun, but I'm mentally bored and making no money, therefore leaving me with no cash for travel or anything extra in our budget. Or, I could go back to work full-time and be financially secure but stressed out. Why does it seem like some people have no stress and lots of money? Why can't I be one of them?
I have never been at a place in my life like this, when I've been completely unable to make a solid decision and move forward. I have been out of the career track for over 6 months and still have not been able to make up my mind about what to do next! I don't know why I feel so incapacitated, but it's driving me crazy.
Afterwards, I drove a few hours to Kingsport to visit a friend whose grandpa's in the hospital, and after that I got together with my buddy Jason who I don't get to see very often now that he's moved away on me and gotten engaged. I think I actually made his day by going up there and making plans for dinner on the spur-of-the-moment. It's not often that I feel like people are THAT thrilled to see me, but it sure is nice when it happens!
This morning I received yet another call from my old boss at Briarcliff. This time, the replacement for my replacement quit. In other words, they've gone through 2 more social services directors since I left in August. He literally begged me to come back, and this time I told him I'd think about it and call him later. I am actually torn this time...
This time around... I have the upper hand. I can name my price and feel pretty confident that I would get what I want. Another point to note is that now all of my reasons for leaving have been validated. If 2 other women with 20-30 more years of experience can't take it, then obviously I am not the only one having problems with the system. A lot of things would have to change for me to work there again.
Am I selling out because I'm actually considering this? As miserable as I was when I worked there? Part of me wonders if the job might be tolerable again if I set the conditions from the beginning. I still haven't decided what to do with my career, but I know I need to do something where I'm making more money than I'm making now, and a golden opportunity is being waved in my face.
Why can't I have it all? I'm serious! I could stay at the store and have fun, but I'm mentally bored and making no money, therefore leaving me with no cash for travel or anything extra in our budget. Or, I could go back to work full-time and be financially secure but stressed out. Why does it seem like some people have no stress and lots of money? Why can't I be one of them?
I have never been at a place in my life like this, when I've been completely unable to make a solid decision and move forward. I have been out of the career track for over 6 months and still have not been able to make up my mind about what to do next! I don't know why I feel so incapacitated, but it's driving me crazy.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
A wretch like me
I've been kinda emotional lately.
Seems like certain things have been building inside of me and this weekend they reached a boiling point. Friday night, Don was out working, so I did what I always do when I need alone time to think: I got in the car. I drove for three hours and it only felt like 30 minutes.
Our youth at church led an awesome worship service last night, and it was exactly where I needed to be. God has been speaking to me lately and had been chiseling away at my hardened heart, and the walls came crashing down through prayer and a lot of tears during worship.
So today, I felt emotionally drained. Too wiped out to be worth much, to be honest. At work, I spent most of the day alone, unpacking and stocking VBS material. Usually I would find that to be tedious work, but today I was actually grateful for it. I got a chance to examine what the kids were using in Bible school this year, and I was able to think about and pray for the children who were receiving the materials.
This is going to sound crazy, I know, but as I was unpacking the VBS stuff, I got all choked up over a picture of a squirrel! It was just the sweetest little drawing. I know I think about things WAAAAY too much, but I imagined someone putting a lot of effort into drawing that happy little squirrel just to please some kid!
It took me back to the summer I attended Bible school and came to know the Lord. I remember a picture of Jesus in my little workbook. I remember, plain as day, how he stood against a bright yellow background, with gentle eyes, an excited smile, and His arms outstretched. I spent a lot of time gazing at that picture just trying to grasp, in my 9-year-old mind, the intensity of His love for me.
Some things haven't changed much.
But then again, can we ever truly comprehend God's love?
I still struggle with letting myself fall into the depths of His passion. I have twenty-six years worth of sins... of pride, selfishness, broken relationships, on and on and on... and somehow God still finds me as precious and beautiful today as the day when I first jumped into His arms as a child.
Oh, how I need His grace!!
Seems like certain things have been building inside of me and this weekend they reached a boiling point. Friday night, Don was out working, so I did what I always do when I need alone time to think: I got in the car. I drove for three hours and it only felt like 30 minutes.
Our youth at church led an awesome worship service last night, and it was exactly where I needed to be. God has been speaking to me lately and had been chiseling away at my hardened heart, and the walls came crashing down through prayer and a lot of tears during worship.
So today, I felt emotionally drained. Too wiped out to be worth much, to be honest. At work, I spent most of the day alone, unpacking and stocking VBS material. Usually I would find that to be tedious work, but today I was actually grateful for it. I got a chance to examine what the kids were using in Bible school this year, and I was able to think about and pray for the children who were receiving the materials.
This is going to sound crazy, I know, but as I was unpacking the VBS stuff, I got all choked up over a picture of a squirrel! It was just the sweetest little drawing. I know I think about things WAAAAY too much, but I imagined someone putting a lot of effort into drawing that happy little squirrel just to please some kid!
It took me back to the summer I attended Bible school and came to know the Lord. I remember a picture of Jesus in my little workbook. I remember, plain as day, how he stood against a bright yellow background, with gentle eyes, an excited smile, and His arms outstretched. I spent a lot of time gazing at that picture just trying to grasp, in my 9-year-old mind, the intensity of His love for me.
Some things haven't changed much.
But then again, can we ever truly comprehend God's love?
I still struggle with letting myself fall into the depths of His passion. I have twenty-six years worth of sins... of pride, selfishness, broken relationships, on and on and on... and somehow God still finds me as precious and beautiful today as the day when I first jumped into His arms as a child.
Oh, how I need His grace!!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Ahhh... love!
Valentine's Day... usually overrated but this year was one of the best! Last night we got all "gussied up" and went to a sweetheart banquet at the Christian Center. We had dinner by candlelight and then an intimate concert with Mark Harris of 4Him. Both the meal and the music were wonderful and such a blessing! I had seen 4Him before and was a moderate fan, but last night I was not only amazed by Mark's talent but also the sincerity of his love for the Lord. I will remember that terrific evening out for a long, long time!
Don and I are both so practical that we amuse ourselves by how little we can get by with spending. We agreed that we really don't need extravagant gifts for each other, and it turns out that we both spent less than 20 bucks!
I found him a gorgeous black wool coat on clearance, but he easily trumped that with his gift to me. When we were in Hawaii, I fell in love with this passionfruit orange juice that's sold in cans in convenience stores. I ended up buying that stuff every time we stopped somewhere, and it was such a treat because I knew I'd never find it again on the mainland. (The same thing happened with me and Canadian Kit-Kat bars. Anyway...) So Don goes and orders a 12-pack of the juice for me and has it shipped to our house. And would you believe that I'm like a kid at Christmas? One taste of that stuff and I'm back in paradise! Yes, we're a little unconventional, but Don knows how to take good care of my heart. :)
Our marriage has been far from perfect. Newlywed bliss?? Satan loves to attack Christian marriages and ours has been under intense fire since day one.
But Don is my match in every way. He is solid but gentle, humble and unassuming, with a giant heart, a knack for one-liners that keeps me laughing all the time, and a love for me that is far deeper than anything I ever could've imagined before I met him. Apart from my salvation, my husband is God's greatest gift to me.
I wish I knew how to love him better.
Don and I are both so practical that we amuse ourselves by how little we can get by with spending. We agreed that we really don't need extravagant gifts for each other, and it turns out that we both spent less than 20 bucks!
I found him a gorgeous black wool coat on clearance, but he easily trumped that with his gift to me. When we were in Hawaii, I fell in love with this passionfruit orange juice that's sold in cans in convenience stores. I ended up buying that stuff every time we stopped somewhere, and it was such a treat because I knew I'd never find it again on the mainland. (The same thing happened with me and Canadian Kit-Kat bars. Anyway...) So Don goes and orders a 12-pack of the juice for me and has it shipped to our house. And would you believe that I'm like a kid at Christmas? One taste of that stuff and I'm back in paradise! Yes, we're a little unconventional, but Don knows how to take good care of my heart. :)
Our marriage has been far from perfect. Newlywed bliss?? Satan loves to attack Christian marriages and ours has been under intense fire since day one.
But Don is my match in every way. He is solid but gentle, humble and unassuming, with a giant heart, a knack for one-liners that keeps me laughing all the time, and a love for me that is far deeper than anything I ever could've imagined before I met him. Apart from my salvation, my husband is God's greatest gift to me.
I wish I knew how to love him better.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
When the psych degree rears its ugly head
A shout-out to my fellow INFJ's... and some insight for those who have to put up with us!
Excerpts from www.personalitypage.com
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, they know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.
INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.
But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.
Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families.
If they are religious, they probably are social with members of their religious community. After that, the INFJ may have friends represented from any of the personality types. They are usually extremely intuitive individuals, who will have no patience for anyone they feel is dishonest or corrupt. They'll have no interest in being around these kinds of people.
All kinds of people are drawn towards the INFJ. They are usually quite popular, although they may be unaware of it themselves, because they don't place a lot of importance on it. The INFJ is valued by their close friends for their warmth and consideration, their new and interesting ways of looking at things, and for their ability to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be.
Excerpts from www.personalitypage.com
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, they know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.
INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.
But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.
Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families.
If they are religious, they probably are social with members of their religious community. After that, the INFJ may have friends represented from any of the personality types. They are usually extremely intuitive individuals, who will have no patience for anyone they feel is dishonest or corrupt. They'll have no interest in being around these kinds of people.
All kinds of people are drawn towards the INFJ. They are usually quite popular, although they may be unaware of it themselves, because they don't place a lot of importance on it. The INFJ is valued by their close friends for their warmth and consideration, their new and interesting ways of looking at things, and for their ability to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be.
Friday, February 10, 2006
hands bound tightly
I hate having to restrain myself in my writing. I used to keep actual paper journals, but one was taken from me and read several years ago, and I still haven't recovered from that experience. Honestly. I felt thoroughly violated by someone whom I had always trusted. And I haven't been able to write explicitly since then. That's why I figured I'd go public with the blog... if I'm going to be "on display" then I might as well go all out, right?
There are so many days when I want to sit down at this computer and pound out my anger and frustration, but I can't. I can't go anywhere near this journal out of fear that I'll reveal something I'll regret later. And yes, I have plenty of things to be angry about, the most serious of which will never, ever make it to this site or past the couple of people who know about it. Everyone has a cross to bear and I am no different.
Don't look for a purpose to this ramble. Just venting.
There are so many days when I want to sit down at this computer and pound out my anger and frustration, but I can't. I can't go anywhere near this journal out of fear that I'll reveal something I'll regret later. And yes, I have plenty of things to be angry about, the most serious of which will never, ever make it to this site or past the couple of people who know about it. Everyone has a cross to bear and I am no different.
Don't look for a purpose to this ramble. Just venting.
Friday, February 3, 2006
Why can't I be a professional juror?
I completed my 2-week term of jury service on Wednesday afternoon, and thankfully it ended much better than it began. My first week was a joke! I went and either sat around all day or was sent home. Beginning on Monday, however, they actually put me to work!
The trial in which I served was for the case of a 57-year-old white woman who allegedly tried to mow down a 6-year-old black boy with her car. I somehow successfully passed jury selection, even though I was questioned often due to the facts that I am childless and live on a dead-end street (both of which were relevant to the case). As the testimonies progressed, it became fairly obvious to me that the older woman was lying, and her only character witness, a black "friend", was also caught in a blatant lie on the witness stand. In spite of all of this, it still took over 8 hours for us to deliberate and agree on a verdict! We finally convicted her of felony reckless endangerment. Personally, I thought felony aggravated assault was more appropriate, but we could not prove her actions were intentional.
I was amazed that out of a room of 12 fairly randomly selected people with different backgrounds, that there was not one truly unreasonable or obnoxious person in the bunch. Everyone was very respectful of each other! There was no yelling, interrupting, or drama, even though most of us were passionate about our beliefs and we were all a bit stressed out, and tired of being cooped up. Imagine trying to get that many people to agree unanimously on anything... geez, I remember trying to get my singles group to agree on where to go out to eat and we had a hard enough time! It was fascinating to me to be a part of the evolving debate and watch how people's views changed. On Wednesday morning, we had 8 guilty's, 2 not-guilty's, and 2 undecided. By late that afternoon, we were unanimous.
I also loved how the juries are BABIED! We went out to lunch every day and ordered whatever we wanted on the state's tab... Calhouns, Aubrey's, the Lunchbox... and we always ordered extra dessert to-go to bring back to the courthouse. The bailiffs were downright hilarious and were also very attentive to taking good care of us. And I had never been in a courtroom before or therefore personally witnessed a trial, but I never realized how everything that happens in the courtroom is directed toward the jury. I guess from what I'd seen on TV, I expected to be tense and made to feel uncomfortable by the attorneys and witnesses. But the lawyers totally kiss up to you... they WANT you to like them and trust them.
I have a lot more faith in our justice system now. I see how it is slanted to let a guilty man walk away than to lock up someone innocent, but that is the price we collectively pay for our rights and freedom.
The trial in which I served was for the case of a 57-year-old white woman who allegedly tried to mow down a 6-year-old black boy with her car. I somehow successfully passed jury selection, even though I was questioned often due to the facts that I am childless and live on a dead-end street (both of which were relevant to the case). As the testimonies progressed, it became fairly obvious to me that the older woman was lying, and her only character witness, a black "friend", was also caught in a blatant lie on the witness stand. In spite of all of this, it still took over 8 hours for us to deliberate and agree on a verdict! We finally convicted her of felony reckless endangerment. Personally, I thought felony aggravated assault was more appropriate, but we could not prove her actions were intentional.
I was amazed that out of a room of 12 fairly randomly selected people with different backgrounds, that there was not one truly unreasonable or obnoxious person in the bunch. Everyone was very respectful of each other! There was no yelling, interrupting, or drama, even though most of us were passionate about our beliefs and we were all a bit stressed out, and tired of being cooped up. Imagine trying to get that many people to agree unanimously on anything... geez, I remember trying to get my singles group to agree on where to go out to eat and we had a hard enough time! It was fascinating to me to be a part of the evolving debate and watch how people's views changed. On Wednesday morning, we had 8 guilty's, 2 not-guilty's, and 2 undecided. By late that afternoon, we were unanimous.
I also loved how the juries are BABIED! We went out to lunch every day and ordered whatever we wanted on the state's tab... Calhouns, Aubrey's, the Lunchbox... and we always ordered extra dessert to-go to bring back to the courthouse. The bailiffs were downright hilarious and were also very attentive to taking good care of us. And I had never been in a courtroom before or therefore personally witnessed a trial, but I never realized how everything that happens in the courtroom is directed toward the jury. I guess from what I'd seen on TV, I expected to be tense and made to feel uncomfortable by the attorneys and witnesses. But the lawyers totally kiss up to you... they WANT you to like them and trust them.
I have a lot more faith in our justice system now. I see how it is slanted to let a guilty man walk away than to lock up someone innocent, but that is the price we collectively pay for our rights and freedom.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Show no love
So I got my jury summons in November and am scheduled for duty January 23 - February 3. And the court didn't need me to go in yesterday, so I went to work instead. Then the hotline told me to report today, so this morning I trek downtown, pretty happy because I was actually looking forward to this. I intentionally park 6 blocks away from the courthouse because it's sunny and warm, and I love a pleasant stroll.
UNTIL my heel gets caught on something in the middle of State Street and I go falling flat on my face! Yes, in the street. So I'm laying there, and does anyone stop? No!!! There was at least 1 person and 2 cars who I know witnessed the whole thing, with nary an "are you okay?" concern from any of them. I manage to get myself up, feeling blood running down my leg, and I collect my assorted crap from the road then hobble to the sidewalk to assess my situation. My shoes are ruined. My favorite pair of pants (from scoring a killer deal at Banana Republic) are ripped beyond repair. I have 30 minutes to be in court and am four blocks away. *Sigh* I hobbled the remaining four blocks and up three floors to check in, and then the clerk tells me she doesn't need me for duty! What?!?
As I sit here nursing my throbbing knee, I reflect on the events of the morning. First of all, are all courts always so disorganized? I WAS actually enthusiastic about serving on a jury, but now I'm starting to understand why people hate being summoned. For the next two weeks, my schedule is at the mercy of these people who can't make up their minds about what they're doing! If every business was run like our government, our economy would collapse.
I can't help thinking, too, about "diffusion of responsibility". I learned of it in college. It's when something happens in public when someone needs help, and everyone assumes someone else will step in, so no one actually does anything. Apparently the fewer people who are around, the more likely the person is to receive help. Unfortunately that didn't occur for me, because there were only a few people around and I was ignored by all of them. And I really could've used somebody to help me stop the bleeding or to give me a ride or something. Even when I finally made it to a bathroom to clean myself up, I was sitting in the floor tending to my bloody leg and trying not to pass out, and the cleaning lady was mopping around me!
I guess you could say that today I lost a bit of faith in humanity. It makes me all the more thankful for God. He's always right there loving me even when other people couldn't care less, and I got a nice reminder today that the only one I can truly depend on is Him. How many more times will I fall on my face (although perhaps not literally)? Who will be there?
UNTIL my heel gets caught on something in the middle of State Street and I go falling flat on my face! Yes, in the street. So I'm laying there, and does anyone stop? No!!! There was at least 1 person and 2 cars who I know witnessed the whole thing, with nary an "are you okay?" concern from any of them. I manage to get myself up, feeling blood running down my leg, and I collect my assorted crap from the road then hobble to the sidewalk to assess my situation. My shoes are ruined. My favorite pair of pants (from scoring a killer deal at Banana Republic) are ripped beyond repair. I have 30 minutes to be in court and am four blocks away. *Sigh* I hobbled the remaining four blocks and up three floors to check in, and then the clerk tells me she doesn't need me for duty! What?!?
As I sit here nursing my throbbing knee, I reflect on the events of the morning. First of all, are all courts always so disorganized? I WAS actually enthusiastic about serving on a jury, but now I'm starting to understand why people hate being summoned. For the next two weeks, my schedule is at the mercy of these people who can't make up their minds about what they're doing! If every business was run like our government, our economy would collapse.
I can't help thinking, too, about "diffusion of responsibility". I learned of it in college. It's when something happens in public when someone needs help, and everyone assumes someone else will step in, so no one actually does anything. Apparently the fewer people who are around, the more likely the person is to receive help. Unfortunately that didn't occur for me, because there were only a few people around and I was ignored by all of them. And I really could've used somebody to help me stop the bleeding or to give me a ride or something. Even when I finally made it to a bathroom to clean myself up, I was sitting in the floor tending to my bloody leg and trying not to pass out, and the cleaning lady was mopping around me!
I guess you could say that today I lost a bit of faith in humanity. It makes me all the more thankful for God. He's always right there loving me even when other people couldn't care less, and I got a nice reminder today that the only one I can truly depend on is Him. How many more times will I fall on my face (although perhaps not literally)? Who will be there?
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
In my element
Things are quiet here. Floating along, one day at a time, paying bills, experimenting in the kitchen, visiting with friends, going to church, reading books, and hanging out with the hubby. I know, it doesn't lend to exciting blogging, but it does make for a peaceful and happy writer.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Christ's example
Today at the store I had a most unpleasant encounter, AGAIN, with a most unpleasant customer. This man, I'll refer to him as Mr. Charles, insists on picking a fight every single time I speak to him. He is one of those master manipulators who is so confrontational that any explanation you try to give him is never good enough and he will twist your words to where they have no resemblance to their intended meaning. Unbelievable! Today, I realized that I had been handling him all wrong by trying to reason with him, so I decided to just kill him with kindness, agree with him, and give him whatever he wants to send him on his merry way. Because of this, from him I merited the title of "being huffy", then he apologizes, steps away from me, then pulls a coworker aside to tell her what an attitude problem I had and how hateful I am. Huffy? Hateful? Because I decided not to play his mind games? I've been called a lot of things, but "hateful" isn't one of them!
What's really sad to me is that Mr. Charles is a retired minister. Even before today's incident, I had thought about him and how miserable it would be for anyone to work with him or learn from him. He has a strong reputation in our store for being demanding and difficult, and I can only imagine how confusing it must have been to be a new Christian in his church and to witness that behavior coming from the pastor.
I have been thinking on this all day, of how I should handle him the next time, and if there's anything I would've said or done differently. It has always been tempting for me to worry myself to death when I know someone is upset with me. I TRY not to take it personally, and in this case, it's pretty obvious who has the attitude. My responsibility is to reflect Christ in my actions, and Mr. Charles is accountable to God for his own actions. Thankfully, what he does and how he chooses to act are not things that I need to concern myself with.
Obedience. Something that has been on my mind more and more lately. I know that today's incident is meant to draw me closer to Him. Will I follow Christ's example and respond in LOVE? It is easy for me not to be rude to people in most circumstances, but I have had more trouble taking that extra step toward showing love when faced with people like Mr. Charles. I think sometimes I have just skated by feeling like I was doing more than enough by simply biting my tongue. Like if I didn't say anything nasty then I was technically OK because I wasn't overtly sinning.
"You have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?" - Matthew 5:43-47
"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me." - John 14:21
"Love each other as I have loved you." - John 15:12
What's really sad to me is that Mr. Charles is a retired minister. Even before today's incident, I had thought about him and how miserable it would be for anyone to work with him or learn from him. He has a strong reputation in our store for being demanding and difficult, and I can only imagine how confusing it must have been to be a new Christian in his church and to witness that behavior coming from the pastor.
I have been thinking on this all day, of how I should handle him the next time, and if there's anything I would've said or done differently. It has always been tempting for me to worry myself to death when I know someone is upset with me. I TRY not to take it personally, and in this case, it's pretty obvious who has the attitude. My responsibility is to reflect Christ in my actions, and Mr. Charles is accountable to God for his own actions. Thankfully, what he does and how he chooses to act are not things that I need to concern myself with.
Obedience. Something that has been on my mind more and more lately. I know that today's incident is meant to draw me closer to Him. Will I follow Christ's example and respond in LOVE? It is easy for me not to be rude to people in most circumstances, but I have had more trouble taking that extra step toward showing love when faced with people like Mr. Charles. I think sometimes I have just skated by feeling like I was doing more than enough by simply biting my tongue. Like if I didn't say anything nasty then I was technically OK because I wasn't overtly sinning.
"You have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?" - Matthew 5:43-47
"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me." - John 14:21
"Love each other as I have loved you." - John 15:12
Monday, January 9, 2006
Good times
It's been a good weekend, even though it's midnight on Sunday night and this is my first moment to myself! Joy passed through town again so last night I got to bond with her over Krispy Kreme donuts (mmmmmmm), and then today I shared a long afternoon at Panera Bread with Tamara, just catching up and looking at pictures from our recent trips. Between seeing them, spending 5 hours at church today, and working all day yesterday, all I've done is run this weekend. But it's all been worth it!
I have to hand it to my husband, though... he ignores my clutter and dirty dishes, and sends me off to have fun instead. I LOVE that man!!
I have to hand it to my husband, though... he ignores my clutter and dirty dishes, and sends me off to have fun instead. I LOVE that man!!
Monday, January 2, 2006
Proclaiming my newfound nerdness
I am happy to have recently regained my appreciation for curling up with a good book. During college and the several years following, I was always too busy to sit still long enough to actually read (and finish) a book. But I think I've knocked out more books in the past 3 months than in the past 5 years combined, and I'm loving it! Been reading a lot of Karen Kingsbury lately, and my dad gave me a set of 3 historical fiction novels that I'm looking forward to delving into. I'll probably take those with me when I have to show up for jury duty in a few weeks! It doesn't hurt any that I am in a bookstore almost every day and can take whatever I want to read on my lunch break.
I'm actually looking forward to serving on a jury. It'll be a new experience for me, and it should be interesting since I've always been curious about law. I get to serve on criminal court... woo-hoo! I hope I get some crazy cases!
New Year's Eve was a dud. Our new neighbors (across the street and 2 houses down) were playing their music SO loud that I could hear the bass over our TV! I was somewhat irritated, but being New Year's Eve, I'll forgive them... this time! Don and I both fell asleep on the couch during the 11:00 news, and we missed the ball drop. This is the first year in about 20 that I've missed the festivities. Ehhhhhh, oh well, I'm getting old!
I'm actually looking forward to serving on a jury. It'll be a new experience for me, and it should be interesting since I've always been curious about law. I get to serve on criminal court... woo-hoo! I hope I get some crazy cases!
New Year's Eve was a dud. Our new neighbors (across the street and 2 houses down) were playing their music SO loud that I could hear the bass over our TV! I was somewhat irritated, but being New Year's Eve, I'll forgive them... this time! Don and I both fell asleep on the couch during the 11:00 news, and we missed the ball drop. This is the first year in about 20 that I've missed the festivities. Ehhhhhh, oh well, I'm getting old!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
