Wasted evening

Tonight we had the misfortune of having to get our picture made for the church directory.

I detest having my picture taken. Absolutely HATE it! If I was photogenic then I might feel differently, but I am probably one of the worst-looking people in pictures, ever. I don't think I'm ugly; I just don't look like myself in pictures. Even people who love me take one look at a photograph and are like, "my gosh, you really don't take good pics, do you?" and I simply agree because I know they're right. I compensate by remaining behind the camera as much as possible, but unfortunately, I couldn't get out of this one.

So tonight, once again, I expended significant energy in preparation for this sitting because what's miserable about church directories is that everyone not only sees your picture, but they hang onto these books forever, much like a high school yearbook. We finally rush out the door and get to church, and even though I felt like I couldn't have looked any better, I was still in a pretty rotten mood. Photo sessions do that to me.

We bust it to get there by 7:30 at our designated appointment time only to find several groups still waiting in line ahead of us. Of course, one group is an extended family of eight, and they have to have pics taken in every conceivable combination of family members, each combination with several different poses. Keep in mind that I have not even had dinner yet. I am growing more impatient and obnoxious by the minute. Husband finds a deck of cards laying around and tries to distract me with a game of rummy while we wait for the supermodels to finish with their cover shoot. The distraction of the cards worked for a few hands while I kicked his butt.

An hour later, it's our turn at last. I take my place on the ubiquitous black stool and try my best to be pleasant, polite, and smiling beautifully while being maneuvered into uncomfortable positions against my will. Then there's the whole commanding photographer bit: "Amber, move your head towards your husband. No, the other way. No, chin up a bit. Up a little more. Now back. OK, never mind, I'm coming!". Now I know how it feels to be the dog in the bottom of his class in obedience school.

I am finally released from the posing, and Mr. Chipper Photographer asks my dear husband to remain seated while he snaps a few individual shots of him. And I'm just standing there thinking... why? We're not buying any pictures... we spent a gazillion bucks on engagement and wedding pics just a few years ago and we really don't look that different now. And oh great, he's going to try to sucker me in next. I don't need any individual shots of myself. The only reason one might be necessary would be to place it in my obituary, but I don't plan on dying anytime soon.

Dude says to me: OK! Your turn! (Pats ubiquitous stool)
Me: No, thank you.
Dude: Oh, come on! (Pats stool again)
Me: I don't need any pictures of myself, but thank you anyway for offering to take them.
Dude: Why not? It'll only take a second!
Me: That second is a waste of our time. I'm not interested and I'm not sitting for any more pictures.
Dude: (Gives pleading look to husband)
Wise Husband: She's determined. I know my wife.
Dude gives up.

We are then shuffled to the line behind the supermodels to preview our pictures. By this point, I am practically growling. I hear Papa John calling my name, and all I want to do is answer.

I had high hopes that somehow these pictures would be the first in years that actually capture me well, however, once again the girl I saw on the screen was definitely not the same image that I saw in the mirror just a short time before. Not sure what keeps happening. Quantum leap, perhaps?

Paula Deen

My mother loves Paula Deen. Apparently, a lot of other people do too, but I just don't get it.

So she started from humble beginnings and worked her way up... great. Good for her. But what's with her supposedly famous restaurant that receives consistently crappy reviews? What's with that constant on-air drooling over and flirting with men who are younger than her sons? What about that exaggerated "Southern" accent with the constant mispronunciations? It's so fake. You can't tell me that the woman's too dumb to speak correct English.

Now I learn that she actually requires personal photographs to be sent along with ticket requests to be in the audience for her live show "Paula's Party." I guess if you're beautiful enough, you're in. Never mind that I'm CERTAIN that she excludes homely fat housewives... the only ones who actually make her butter and grease-filled recipes, and the very people who made her a success.

She's overexposed. Time to move on.

Hunting Island

Camping on the beach. Falling asleep to the sound of the waves. Living in a swimsuit. Sunshine. Don. Warm ocean.

A typical day:

Wake
Eat
Swim
Read
Swim
Fly kite
Swim
Eat
Swim
Nap
Swim
Go for walk
Swim
Read
Eat
Read
Go for walk
Play cards
Bed

Every day in the late afternoon, I continued with a beach tradition I've kept since I was a teenager. I grab an apple and take off alone for a lengthy stroll along the water. For me, this is one of life's most beautiful experiences... meandering along with no timetable whatsoever, reveling in the contrast of the warm sun and cool salt spray on my bare skin, breeze blowing my hair all crazy, munching on a sweet snack, jumping over waves, singing out loud, chasing birds, kicking seafoam, contemplating everything and nothing, delighting in being joyful and free.

I never feel closer to heaven than I do then. :)

blah blah blah

Saturday: Worked at the store that morning, and had a prayer answered less than an hour after I asked! After I got there, I realized I hadn’t yet talked to God that morning, so I excused myself to the bathroom and spent a few minutes just connecting and asking God to use me. Less than an hour later, a customer and I started chatting and I realized that the problems she was sharing were EXACTLY what I had been dealing with last week also. We spent about 20 minutes talking and then we prayed together, at the end of which she was crying, hugged me, and thanked me for being her angel. But it was God who orchestrated this encounter! What are the chances that this random stranger would open up to ME (as opposed to any of my coworkers, even?) and share EXACTLY what I had been tearfully discussing with my husband just 2 days before? After she left, I was so humbled and crying also, but these were good tears. I realized just what God had done and that He is still invested in me and showers me with grace in spite of my inadequacies. He showed me once again that He is in complete control. It was a powerful statement… like, “you asked Me to use you, well, I hope you meant it ‘cause here we go!” and He did not waste any time getting around to it, either! It never ceases to amaze me what God can do through us when we open ourselves to Him. It is an adventure like none other. He rocks!!!

After my short shift at the store, the Donald and I planned to hang out with some of his coworkers to watch the TN/FL game. I turned my attention to more superficial pursuits, like getting all girlied up for the occasion with perfect hair, a bit of extra makeup, and strappy heels to compliment my orange and white (go Vols!) sleeveless top and cute jeans. I hadn’t met these guys before, and I always like to look good in front of Don’s friends (as though I’m a trophy wife or something, LOL!). We grilled out during halftime and enjoyed a raucous afternoon of yelling at the big-screen (the room being evenly divided between Florida and UT fans).

Sunday: I experienced a small victory at the shelter… I visited with a puppy who had been brought in 2 days prior but had not eaten a bite since he arrived. The staff was really concerned about him being stressed and they asked me to give him some special attention, so I took him for a long walk and then out to the kennel run to play. He happily scarfed down a few milk bones I had in my pocket, so I tried feeding him canned food out of my hand. He ate that too! It felt really good! That was pretty much the only thing I accomplished all day.

Monday: Got together with a few other gals for dinner and Bible study. We’ve been doing this weekly for a couple of months now, and I have grown to treasure the time spent with these ladies. They are not people I usually run around with in my free time, but through our evenings together, we have grown close and found true accountability partners in each other. How awesome it is to have these godly women involved in my life and rooting for me!

Today: I'm in a fog. Don’s on night shift this week, and for some reason I never can sleep well when he’s gone. I have also been having horrible nightmares, and I dread even going to sleep. For example, in my most recent nightmare, my husband was stabbed to death, and I woke up alone and COMPLETELY freaked out! I have been trying to detect some pattern, but I have yet to arrive at any significant conclusions.

We had a dinner cruise scheduled for tomorrow night… it was supposed to be a surprise birthday celebration for one of our good friends… but they had a death in their family and had to reschedule the cruise for a date we can’t attend. What a bummer! The funeral’s even on our friend's birthday.

Friday morning, we travel to the SC coast to camp at the beach in celebration of our third anniversary. Can’t wait!

Go Vols!

With Don working odd shifts, I have found myself occasionally on the bored and lonely side, particularly when he's gone from 12:45 pm to 10:30 that night, or working double shifts. I enjoy spending time with him so much that it isn't fun anymore to be alone here in the house! I have been quite fortunate to stumble across some volunteer opportunities to spend my time meeting people and gaining new experiences.

The animal shelter has been working out beautifully. I'm not on a set schedule, so whenever I have a few hours of free time, I head over there to walk dogs and love on the cats. The nonprofit for which I work has also had some events to volunteer for. Last month, I worked at a sporting clays tournament. I kept score for the shooters and learned how to be a clay trapper. I must say that I never imagined myself spending a Saturday morning in the country watching guys blow stuff up, but it was actually pretty neat. I'd do it again!

Yesterday I began working with another organization, the Red Cross. I had registered with them when Katrina hit... I was ready to go to MS but it turned out they didn't need me. But now, they do. I am on the medical staff for attendees of the UT football games and other special events such as the TN Valley Fair. Before yesterday's game started, I spent some time in Command Center 1, which was a small clinic in the bowels of Neyland Stadium. There, I helped monitor patients, did intake paperwork, and bandaged up an old lady who fell on the way into the stadium. An hour before kickoff, I was outfitted with an identifying vest, first-aid kit, stretcher, and a CB, and was sent up into the stands where my partner and I got to watch nearly the entire game. 40-yard line, about 1/3 of the way up above the field. Great seats! We only got 2 calls, one from a guy with a "hurt ankle" who wanted a ride back to his car (dream on, dude!), and another old lady who "felt funny" (dehydration and messed-up hormone patch).

I really had a blast yesterday! It's always fun to be in the midst of the wild energy of 106,000+ orange-clad football fanatics. I also enjoyed the "behind the scenes" perspective. Like walking into Command Center 3 and finding about 10 cops hiding out in there in the air conditioning, huddled around the TV and lounging on hospital beds, stuffing their faces with hot dogs. I also heard some hilarious stories, like the time an injured squirrel ran into the clinic, and how they managed to capture him and transport him via police to the UT vet school for treatment.

It's a great gig! All I needed was to have current CPR and First Aid certifications, a background check, and I was in. My partner is an EMT, as were many of the others, so thankfully, it wasn't going to be up to me to deliver babies! :)