It is time.

I have enjoyed keeping this blog for over three years now. It has been an incredibly fun tool for communicating my thoughts and the happenings of my life to people I care about. However, as most have already determined, I simply don't have the time, or the energy, to do this anymore. The demands of graduate school have drained any motivation I ever had for spending precious leisure time composing my thoughts on a computer screen. I have decided that it's best to simply sign off. Even though you rarely, ahem, commented, I know who's there, and I especially appreciate the feedback through the e-mails. Thank you for reading, and most of all, for caring about me.

Good things are happening for us. Don is working hard to improve his skills in this shaky job market, and I'm extremely proud of what he is accomplishing. I am also giving my all to the work I have before me. I made straight A's last semester, and plan to do the same this term. Chicago, and possibly DC, await this summer, full of new faces and opportunities for my career. Don and I are in love, and we're making plans.

I continue to place my faith in Jesus Christ, and to set all of my hopes and dreams on Him. He loves me - He loves us all - far beyond our frail, limited comprehension. I look to the days ahead to be brighter than the ones past. I want to learn how to love better. Love more. Simply, to be like Him.

************

Two weeks ago on a warm January morning, I pulled on my swimsuit, kissed my sleeping husband, and slipped quietly out of our room and onto the dark, rocky path toward the ocean.

Standing alone, I watched the sun rise on this empty Costa Rican beach, and I felt a similar dawn taking place in my heart. In those moments, I became as pure and as breathtakingly beautiful as my surroundings. With the warm Pacific lapping at my feet, washing me over and over again, I ambled along the water and considered the grace that, like the waves, washes me unfailingly. Freedom. My thoughts instinctively turned toward the incredulity of it all.

Is this... could this be... is this really my life?

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Already?

I can't believe that the semester begins again on Thursday, and I still have not had ONE single day to simply lounge on the couch and read!

News in Knoxville was horrible today. It is hitting too close for comfort. I don't know what will happen. I do know that God will shelter us no matter what.

Carpe diem!

2008 has been an amazing year of growth for us, with so many victories to be thankful for! So.... what better place to celebrate the year than Disney World, where every day is a joyful party?

Hahaha, well, I had to twist Don's arm... he fought me on the Disney thing for ages. I finally got him to agree to go by puckering my lip and explaining how much those memories would mean to me if we could go on our own before we had kids. We counted our pennies, then headed to Florida on the weekend after I finished finals!

I used my travel-savvy superpowers to score this sweet room (a great location 5 minutes from Disney) for $33/night including tax:

We drove down on Friday and visited Downtown Disney that evening. Don really loved it... finally, a romantic place to stroll without timeshare hawks screaming at us! Of course, a visit to the Ghirardelli shop was on the agenda for a decadent dark chocolate Midnight Reverie sundae. We enjoyed the street performers and window shopping. I loved this saxophone quartet!

On Saturday, we visited the Magic Kingdom. I was so excited, we actually made it to the gates before they opened. (When am I ever early for anything??) I felt like a little girl again and was completely caught up in the magic of the moment as we watched the characters race in for the welcome celebration. I was surprised to find myself standing there crying like a total loon!

Check out my Prince Charming:

We stayed at MK until after 10 pm! I loved watching Cinderella's castle's nightly Christmas light show, and the fireworks at the end of the night were magical, too... bursting in time to music about dreams and wishes and courage... good stuff. We got to do everything we wanted to do in the park. Weather was cool but sunny, and the crowds weren't bad at all.

The next day, we were up and at 'em again early for a visit to Epcot. I love this park! I couldn't wait to ride Mission: Space and to visit the different countries in the World Showcase. We absolutely loved the new Soarin' ride! (That was the final straw for me... I think I will ask to go hang-gliding for my next birthday.)

We ate our way across the World Showcase, stopping for food in Norway, Morocco, and France. We marveled at both the general incompetence of the Norwegians, and the beauty and mystique of the Morocco pavilion (our favorite).

Here I am in Italy:

I am so glad we took this trip! Life is too short. Why not pour all of our efforts into building amazing memories together?

Sick humor

Whenever I think I've had a bad day...

Be sure to turn on the sound!

Better, stronger, wiser

Things I'm grateful for now that I might not have had or appreciated as much a year ago:

- Grace.

- A faith that I truly own. It is not dependent on church or tradition or expectations or other people. I believe because I recognize who Jesus Christ is, how much He loves, and who I really am apart from Him.

- A faithful husband who chooses to love me wholeheartedly.

- Friends who invite me to just come on over to visit, when all I did was call to chat.

- A car that continues to run well, even at 183K miles.

- The freedom to cut toxic relationships out of my life, or at least diminish their place as much as necessary.

- Peace in knowing that God's justice is flawless.

- A dad who I am continually growing closer to and loving more.

- Discernment.

- High-speed internet!

- Friends who have known me for years and years. Particularly those who were around when I was a naive and overconfident 18-year-old, and who love me even more today!

- A pastor who serves with genuine humility, and who challenges me with teaching that is fueled directly by Scripture.

- My pregnant sister-in-law!

- The gift of my inner strength: the ability to keep laughing, growing, achieving, and loving...

- Knowing that who I am is based not on my opinion of myself, anyone else's opinion, or ANYTHING except my worth in God's eyes. I thought I understood that until it was challenged. Now I really get it.

Genuine

My grandma and I couldn't be more different. In fact, as I was growing up, I couldn't imagine a fate worse than a life like hers. All I ever wanted was to get out of WV, study, travel, and explore... all things that she never showed any interest in doing. Her world was tiny and in my eyes, stifling.

The day after her funeral last week, I drove to her house to meet with my aunts and uncles to begin going through some of her things. I sat in her chair with a mountain of old photographs in my lap, and simply let the tears flow. Where was she? Where was the familiar sound of her raucous laughter?

Notecards and photos... so many of my elderly grandparents kissing and playing... their 50th anniversary... Mamaw driving a boat... Mamaw cooking in her kitchen... Mamaw grinning at her 80th birthday party... Christmases past unwrapping gag gifts of rubbie duckies and toilet paper... Papaw riding my little girlie bike... Papaw in a shirtless group of GI's, one holding a newspaper with the headline "War Over"... my grandparents as teenagers, so gorgeous and strong... photos and letters from more family and friends than I ever knew she had. We always teased Mamaw for the mementos she saved. I found a pink envelope labeled in her handwriting "Keep forever", and inside were pictures of me. I found a thank-you note that my mom had sent her for helping take care of my older brother after I was born, and a calendar from 1980 where the only note in it was about my first birthday. In my hands, I held her treasures.

I set aside a pile of photographs to claim for myself, then sat quietly and gazed around the room. Her beloved parakeet chirped obliviously. She always loved birds and flowers and her immaculate gardens were evidence of that. She decorated her home with bird figurines and silk floral arrangements, the kind of corny knick-knacks that I'd always hated but she adored.

Sophisticated? Ha! Mamaw never cared what people thought of how she lived. She knew exactly what she liked! She raised her four successful kids, taught them about Jesus, spent her life doting on her family and friends, and stayed home with her flowers and her birds. She was content. She laughed and loved every single day.

Mamaw got it right.

I hope I will, too.

Tired

My grandmother and aunt both passed away late last week. Spent 4 days in WV, which were meaningful, but now I have a ton of work to make up. Am also extremely concerned for several good friends who are going through some miserable personal struggles. My heart is heavy.

And I need to vent...

Just for the record, for those who are dying to know who haven't yet been brazen enough to ask:

Yes. I have lost weight.
No, it was not on purpose.
Yes, I know why.
Yes, I do eat.
No, you don't need to worry.
OK????

Since I've had, oh, five people comment about my weight in the past week, I wonder if the scrutiny will ever die down. Geez. Was I really that fat?