Okay, so my birthday's not really until tomorrow, but I'm already celebrating!
I tend to reflect a bit each year at this time, to take stock of who I am and who I want to be by the time the next birthday rolls around.
I will be 27 tomorrow. One thing I realized today (which I found to be somewhat depressing) is that I no longer have any milestone birthdays to look forward to. 16, 18, 21, great for obvious reasons. I couldn't wait to turn 25 because I could finally rent a car without paying extra, plus my car insurance went down. (Yes, minor details, I know, but I was still happy about it!) I'm grateful for each day and each year I'm given, but now I'm not wishing to be any other age than exactly what I am.
I have never known anything but youth, and it troubles me to know that it won't be long before I'm not considered young in age or in appearance. People usually mistake me for being younger than my actual age. I don't think I even act my age, honestly. As far as maturity and responsibility go, I think I'm pretty average. But when it comes to being a WOMAN, acting grown-up and ladylike, I feel so far behind the curve. I still feel like a clumsy little kid!
I find myself looking in the mirror, wondering when the day will come when I think I look old. I hope it's never! My hair is still long with its youthful shine, although I find gray hairs multiplying at an alarming rate. I still don't have any traces of wrinkles anywhere on my face, and my skin still looks good. I weigh more now than I ever have and though I'm not overweight, I could definitely stand to lose five or ten pounds. I'm no longer brave enough to wear a bikini, but with a little effort I guess I still could.
My career is stalled out, but I'm not terribly worried about it. We're okay financially. I know I have the ability to do whatever I want, it's just trying to decide what. I've learned that I don't have to prove anything to anybody!! I've tasted enough personal success in my life to be happy with what I've accomplished so far.
The smartest decision I ever made was latching onto my husband and saying yes when he proposed. Seeing him come in the door from work makes every day seem like a birthday for me.
I have amazing friends, relationships that have years-old roots that just keep growing deeper. I think God has been more than gracious in blessing me through these people who have CHOSEN to love me.
For my 27th birthday... this is what I want...
"For God did not give me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." - 2 Timothy 1:7
I read that verse last night and was stopped short. This is exactly my heart!
- A spirit of POWER - No doubting! Push the envelope a little more. Talk to the homeless guy. Pray with people I don't know well. Be more open about what God's doing in my life. Jump right in even though I'm not sure how it'll work out. Let God take care of the rest.
- A spirit of LOVE - Respond with kindness instead of telling people what they deserve to hear. Lose the impatience and take time to listen. Stop harboring resentment. Shut my own mouth. Actively lay myself down to build others up.
- A spirit of SELF-DISCIPLINE - Spend less time online and more time reading. Exercise. Quit eating so much chocolate. Read my Bible and clean the house even when I don't feel like it. Get to work on time!
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
Why can't we shut up?
I'm talking about cell phones. What IS it with our culture now to where everybody has to be so connected? What's wrong with being quiet and being ALONE?
And what is WITH these ridiculous earpieces that I see so many people wearing? Do they really think they're so important that they must be reached at all times? Do they enjoy being so accessible?
And why is it suddenly accepted social behavior to ignore everyone around you to blab away on the phone? You know what REALLY gets me? It's these people who go shopping, talking loudly the whole time as they walk around, then go to check out and are so preoccupied with themselves and their conversation that they don't even treat the cashier as a person. No acknowledgement whatsoever that they are face-to-face with a breathing human being.
I used to see this all the time at Wal-Mart or the grocery store. Now it happens to me at the bookstore, and I refuse to wait on someone who's on the phone and won't acknowledge me. I either walk off or simply stand there and give them the death stare until they bother to look up. Then I hit them with twenty questions to MAKE them talk to me.
Don and I were at Wal-Mart today, sitting on a bench looking at the pictures we just picked up, and I noticed this attractive young woman, probably in her early 30's. She had a boy about a year old who was sitting in her shopping cart, and he was squirming and babbling away to her. She was talking on her cell phone, meandering through the shoe department and completely ignoring the boy in the cart. About 5 minutes later, I hear, "Emerson? Emerson! Where are you?!" Here she comes, totally panicked, pacing through the store looking for her OTHER son (undoubtedly the small boy of about 4 years who I noticed walking alone a few minutes earlier). Her frantic yelling continued for several more minutes until she finally found him. I wonder if it ever clicked in her mind that she should quit chatting and start parenting her kids.
Cell phones are great, usually. I have one. It's useful in an emergency or if you're grocery shopping for an unfamiliar ingredient and have to call Mom. But there is a time and a place to use them. "Anytime" and "anywhere" are not appropriate.
I'd like to ask God about His opinion on this. I wonder if he would point me here to Colossians 4:5-6a:
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace..."
And what is WITH these ridiculous earpieces that I see so many people wearing? Do they really think they're so important that they must be reached at all times? Do they enjoy being so accessible?
And why is it suddenly accepted social behavior to ignore everyone around you to blab away on the phone? You know what REALLY gets me? It's these people who go shopping, talking loudly the whole time as they walk around, then go to check out and are so preoccupied with themselves and their conversation that they don't even treat the cashier as a person. No acknowledgement whatsoever that they are face-to-face with a breathing human being.
I used to see this all the time at Wal-Mart or the grocery store. Now it happens to me at the bookstore, and I refuse to wait on someone who's on the phone and won't acknowledge me. I either walk off or simply stand there and give them the death stare until they bother to look up. Then I hit them with twenty questions to MAKE them talk to me.
Don and I were at Wal-Mart today, sitting on a bench looking at the pictures we just picked up, and I noticed this attractive young woman, probably in her early 30's. She had a boy about a year old who was sitting in her shopping cart, and he was squirming and babbling away to her. She was talking on her cell phone, meandering through the shoe department and completely ignoring the boy in the cart. About 5 minutes later, I hear, "Emerson? Emerson! Where are you?!" Here she comes, totally panicked, pacing through the store looking for her OTHER son (undoubtedly the small boy of about 4 years who I noticed walking alone a few minutes earlier). Her frantic yelling continued for several more minutes until she finally found him. I wonder if it ever clicked in her mind that she should quit chatting and start parenting her kids.
Cell phones are great, usually. I have one. It's useful in an emergency or if you're grocery shopping for an unfamiliar ingredient and have to call Mom. But there is a time and a place to use them. "Anytime" and "anywhere" are not appropriate.
I'd like to ask God about His opinion on this. I wonder if he would point me here to Colossians 4:5-6a:
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace..."
Monday, May 1, 2006
Mercy Me!
So we had tickets to the Mercy Me concert last night. It was good and I enjoyed it, but they didn't engage me as much as I thought they would. I'm not sure what I was expecting! I did love hearing "I can only imagine" performed live, though.
We had great church services today as well. I walked out feeling so full and uplifted, not that I was in some deep depression before. I don't know; it was just nice! Tonight, our missionary from the Phillippines, Diana, spoke about what's been going on with her for the past year. She is this cute, tiny little woman, and she's been over there by herself doing very controversial things and trusting people she doesn't know in a world entirely different from her home here. Listening to her stories and looking at her pictures... well, it made me realize that I'm really not brave at all.
Sometimes I think that I want a life that breaks the mold. What would it be like to throw my conventional existence to the wind, and move to Brazil or Russia to be a missionary? I wish I had more than one life to live, so I could try different things without lasting consequences. But I also want to live in relative safety, to have 2.5 kids and a dog and a house with a front yard and a big porch, and to go to church and cook dinner for my friends and family. I guess that wins out over wild adventures. For today, anyway.
I heard from Megan, my friend in jail for murder. She sent me a long letter, and a very detailed one at that. She really opened up to me and told me a lot of things that I was surprised to hear. Her spirits were amazingly high in spite of her current situation, and she was still the same old Megan. I just hope that the truth comes out in her trial.
We had great church services today as well. I walked out feeling so full and uplifted, not that I was in some deep depression before. I don't know; it was just nice! Tonight, our missionary from the Phillippines, Diana, spoke about what's been going on with her for the past year. She is this cute, tiny little woman, and she's been over there by herself doing very controversial things and trusting people she doesn't know in a world entirely different from her home here. Listening to her stories and looking at her pictures... well, it made me realize that I'm really not brave at all.
Sometimes I think that I want a life that breaks the mold. What would it be like to throw my conventional existence to the wind, and move to Brazil or Russia to be a missionary? I wish I had more than one life to live, so I could try different things without lasting consequences. But I also want to live in relative safety, to have 2.5 kids and a dog and a house with a front yard and a big porch, and to go to church and cook dinner for my friends and family. I guess that wins out over wild adventures. For today, anyway.
I heard from Megan, my friend in jail for murder. She sent me a long letter, and a very detailed one at that. She really opened up to me and told me a lot of things that I was surprised to hear. Her spirits were amazingly high in spite of her current situation, and she was still the same old Megan. I just hope that the truth comes out in her trial.
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