Wednesdays have become my favorite day of the week, since I'm off from work and can basically do anything I want to do. Today was dedicated to visiting. Went to Briarcliff, and had a heart-to-heart with one of my former coworkers whose husband and brother both died a couple of weeks ago. Then I saw Ida, who's losing weight AND her mind. Both visits were depressing, to say the least.
Afterwards, I drove a few hours to Kingsport to visit a friend whose grandpa's in the hospital, and after that I got together with my buddy Jason who I don't get to see very often now that he's moved away on me and gotten engaged. I think I actually made his day by going up there and making plans for dinner on the spur-of-the-moment. It's not often that I feel like people are THAT thrilled to see me, but it sure is nice when it happens!
This morning I received yet another call from my old boss at Briarcliff. This time, the replacement for my replacement quit. In other words, they've gone through 2 more social services directors since I left in August. He literally begged me to come back, and this time I told him I'd think about it and call him later. I am actually torn this time...
This time around... I have the upper hand. I can name my price and feel pretty confident that I would get what I want. Another point to note is that now all of my reasons for leaving have been validated. If 2 other women with 20-30 more years of experience can't take it, then obviously I am not the only one having problems with the system. A lot of things would have to change for me to work there again.
Am I selling out because I'm actually considering this? As miserable as I was when I worked there? Part of me wonders if the job might be tolerable again if I set the conditions from the beginning. I still haven't decided what to do with my career, but I know I need to do something where I'm making more money than I'm making now, and a golden opportunity is being waved in my face.
Why can't I have it all? I'm serious! I could stay at the store and have fun, but I'm mentally bored and making no money, therefore leaving me with no cash for travel or anything extra in our budget. Or, I could go back to work full-time and be financially secure but stressed out. Why does it seem like some people have no stress and lots of money? Why can't I be one of them?
I have never been at a place in my life like this, when I've been completely unable to make a solid decision and move forward. I have been out of the career track for over 6 months and still have not been able to make up my mind about what to do next! I don't know why I feel so incapacitated, but it's driving me crazy.
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