Cleansing love

Sometimes I'm so giddily happy that I can barely stand myself, and yesterday was one of those days. It was a day that was ordinary but that was what made it so nice! I ran a few errands then spent the rest of the day cooking until Don came home. We have a friend who's been going thru a rough time, so we fixed dinner for her family and drove out to her house to deliver it. We took a walk after dinner down to the library to pick up a few books (a Karen Kingsbury novel and another book on Hawaii). I absolutely LOVE our neighborhood! We live right in the city, within walking distance to so many places that I could get by without using my car for days if I was serious about it.

As we were walking home, we heard a booming familiar voice yelling at us, and there in front of their beautiful home were Big John and Betty from our church. We had no idea we were such close neighbors, but it was a terrific surprise to stop and visit with them for awhile. We later watched the season premiere of the Amazing Race. (I am DYING to be on that show!!) We feel so much gratitude to God for all the little things that made our day... the cool air which was perfect for an evening walk, our comfortable home, a good meal, having a friend to serve, our neighborhood, the laughter at Big John and Betty's house, our stupid cat, our love for each other, our forgiveness through Jesus. Thanks, God!

Don and I agree that one of our greatest blessings is that of our awesome church family. We've only been going to Arlington since February but it is definitely home to us. People have been so welcoming and loving! When I had my surgery in May, my Sunday school class sent over enough food to feed us for a week, and these were people I hardly even knew. And I got cards and phone calls from people I didn't know at all, all to tell me that they were praying for me. I am comforted to know that if something were to happen to me, that Don would be well cared for. As soon as I walk in the door, I feel like I can relax... I'm among brothers and sisters, people who are motivated by God's love, people who encourage and not tear down. That is such a difference from the environment that I was accustomed to at Briarcliff... people were so critical and discouraging and self-centered. I feel like the people of Arlington are cleansing me from the pollution of my spirit that happened while at the 'cliff, as though I am finally seeing again the goodness that exists within others.

What next?

Well, today was not very productive! I am feeling somewhat guilty, considering that my husband is out slaving away and I was sitting here at the house. He has been totally supportive of me regarding my "sabbatical", but I'm not exactly used to letting someone else take care of me like this!

It has been over a month since I worked out my 30-day notice at "the cliff", and I have never been happier about taking the risk to walk away. My nursing home career began as I was a college sophomore on a mission trip to Asheville, NC with the CNC gospel choir. We visited a nursing home to sing to the residents, and I walked out of that building knowing that my life had changed, that I was changed. That was where God revealed to me that I had a true gift for patience and understanding with elderly people. He gave me total peace about the direction my life was taking, from changing my class schedule to beginning my internship with a local nursing home. After graduation, I spent the past five years growing in my career as a social worker, serving at different facilities as promotions and better opportunities presented themselves.

This year, however, I started growing increasingly restless. I always said that once I had children, I wouldn't be able to do nursing home social work anymore because of the stress, but it all came bearing down on me much sooner than I had anticipated. Most people really have no idea what goes on in a facility, and it's probably a good thing to be ignorant of it! The problems I had weren't merely dealing with heavy doses of loss and death, even though those things certainly got to me at times! It was the constant uphill battle that I was facing EVERY single day. If I wasn't fending off complaining family members (always upset about situations beyond my control), I was fighting a roomful of nurses who couldn't understand why piling on more psychotropic medications weren't the answer to all of Mr. Smith's problems. Add in overflowing stacks of pointless paperwork, and a schedule that never allowed me to forecast when I got to go home each day, and you have a recipe for burnout!! It's too bad, really. The residents were great for the most part; it's everything else that I could no longer stomach. However, there comes a time when your sanity and your marriage are more important than your finances. Don got what was left of me every day, and that wasn't fair to him. I have had the gnawing feeling for months that God is calling me in a different direction, and I think this is His way of telling me that it's time to move on.

So... with Don's encouragement, I gave my notice with perfect peace. My boss thought I was crazy, and perhaps he's correct in that assumption, considering I'm sitting here with no job and bills are rolling in. But I know that God's not going to let us starve... that He knows my needs. My father has never been one to be quoting Scripture to me, but he reminded me to "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33). God used my dad to speak to me and to settle my heart... how awesome is that?! This past month has been a time of reflection like no other I've ever experienced, as my only duties have been to care for my husband, and to focus on my Lord. I am confident that He has a plan for me even greater than anything I could dream up on my own. Sure, I'm broke, but am I ever excited!

In the beginning...

I can't believe I'm doing this. Not only am I SO not a computer junkie, nor all that great of a writer, I've also had some disdain for those who had enough time to waste that they'd sit around typing for no other reason than to show the world how brilliant they are. At least that was my perception. I've come to realize, through a friends's website, that a blog can be not only keep me "honest", but it's a great way to keep in touch with people you care about (and to get some interesting discussions going). I also tend to be plagued by the problem of my tongue not keeping up with my brain. Most people have the opposite problem, but for me, I keep my mouth shut more often when I wish I used it. So, for all of my own stupid reasons, here I am.

The short story on me: I'm 26, newly married to a terrific soul, Donald (happy anniversary yesterday, babe!), recently unemployed by choice, and a Christian because of love. I hope to use this space to share that love and to show how it changes me.