Poetic Justice

Well, well, well! I received an interesting phone call on Friday morning. From my old boss. Apparently the woman he hired to replace me quit without giving any notice, citing stress and hatred of the facility as reasons. I was asked again to reconsider coming back to run the social services department. As flattering as that was, and as nice as I'm sure the money would've been since he'd have to give me a HUGE raise to entice me back, it was so easy to say no! I would have to be pretty bad off to go back to that mess! I hate it for them that the director wasn't happy and that the part-time staff are stuck with all of the work right at Christmas time. And I definitely don't want any residents to do without!! But another part of me, the devil sitting on my right shoulder, is giggling about it. I can only imagine how many things are falling apart over there and how the state surveyors are going to decimate the charts. Perhaps the nursing staff will learn to appreciate their social workers more now that they're doing without them.

Christmas was probably one of the most fun I've had in years, aside from the year Don proposed. :) We had a good time in West Virginia, visiting with my family and eating too much. Some of my favorite gifts: my Atari flashback set (I've been playing Pitfall!!), the jewelry Don made for me, a giftcard to Lowe's, and the "Sisterhood" DVD. I was relieved to get home, though. I find that I miss my life here when I'm away, now that it's actually fun again. I'm even looking forward to going to work tomorrow!

My heart hurts

I did go to the 'cliff to see Ida the other day. I was right for being concerned about her competency to sign for POA, that her mind and health may not last much longer. When I entered her room, I simply stood there and stared, too shocked to move at first. She had a huge hematoma on the right side of her head where she had fallen a few days ago. She wouldn't open her eyes to look at me, and she could barely talk to me although she knew I was there and called me by name. I didn't know what to do except to stay with her and hold her hand. I brought her Christmas gifts back home with me. Hopefully she'll be able to open them soon, but I'm not so sure. I don't really know what to do now except pray.

While I was there, I got to spend some time talking with one of my former co-workers, David. We didn't spend too much time together when I worked there, but we were always able to converse easily and had mutual respect for each other's work (he's a restorative aide). David's gay, and as I sat in the dining room with him while he was feeding a resident, his very sweet boyfriend (I'm assuming) came in and I got to meet him and talk with him for awhile, too. As I was leaving, I told them our church Christmas musical was that evening and Don was in it, so I had to get going. David said something like, "oh wow! You know, that church down the street had a live nativity set up in their parking lot the other night and I didn't have time to stop, but I wanted to go in. I just drove by really slow trying to see everything."

That one little comment really got me thinking about David and my other gay friends. I have had several gay friends and acquaintances over the years, and even though none of them were extremely close friendships, I hung out with some of these guys one-on-one and even a double-date (which got interesting). I definitely have my opinions about homosexuality, and I'm not here to debate whether I think it's their choice or not, if it's right or wrong, etc. It really doesn't matter what I think about the etymology of it, anyway. God didn't ask me, and I doubt He ever will!

I have always been concerned about the spiritual lives of my gay friends like I would be of any other of my friends, but I have honestly never known how to approach them about it. My former hairdresser, Mike, has talked to me about his past and how churches don't have a place for him, and he really doesn't think about God that much because the life he leads would not be approved by conventional churches. From that conversation and other observations, my perception was that most gays really aren't interested in God since they feel they will instantly be crucified by the church because of their "lifestyle". So basically, with those friends, I tucked away the concern I had for their hearts for the sake of keeping their friendship. I never hid who I was from them, but I never came right out and talked to them about God, either.

David really surprised me with his enthusiasm for the church nativity scene. I couldn't help wondering how many times he's driven by a church, curious about what's going on inside. I wonder how many times he's opened a Bible, or how he tries to fill the God-shaped hole in his heart. I never truly realized until that day that even my most self-assured gay friends have a desire for God, too, whether or not they realize it themselves. We've all been hard-wired to need God, being created in His image.

I think about those friends who might have needed me to show gentle concern for the condition of their spirit, and I feel an ache in my own heart. Kind of like the scene at the end of Schindler's list where the guy looks out at all of the Jews he saved, then looks down at his watch and realized that if he'd sold it he could've saved more people from dying. I sincerely wish I hadn't been so passive.

Looking forward to this week!

I forgot about one of my favorite things about Christmas, aside from the food, parties, presents, and Jesus's birth (duh!). This is the time of year that several of my close friends are in town or passing through, and they'll come over for dinner or to spend the night or just get in some good hanging-out time. Joy's already been by, and we'll get to see Heather and Brian on Tuesday, and then Christine will stay over a few days after Christmas. That's over half of my wedding party right there! Last night I checked my voice mail and had messages from three other friends calling just to say hi. That gave me lots of warm fuzzies. :) I can't wait to catch up with everyone! I am so, so thankful for my friends. God's blessed me with some truly terrific ones... I consider them as family by choice, not by blood.

My elderly friend, Ida, who I spoke of some time ago... I'm on my way to see her this afternoon. She had asked me to take over as her power-of-attorney, which I am happy to do, so I went to a lawyer's office and had the papers drawn up for her to sign. Then Ida started getting nervous about making her current POA angry, and she's been riding the fence about what to do, therefore we still don't have the paperwork complete. She keeps telling me she wants to think about it some more, which is her prerogative, however she's 93 years old, her mind is not the greatest, and there's a strong possibility that if she keeps putting it off, she won't be able to sign anything if her mind gets worse. I really don't know what to do with her. Hopefully today will be a good visit and will shed some light about what our next steps will be.

Don's performing in our church Christmas musical tonight... he's playing Jacob. I can't wait to see him in action! He got roped into a speaking part in the Easter musical after another guy had a family emergency and had to back out. That was Don's acting debut and he was GREAT! Too bad I missed the entire thing... I was in Texas at the time... but I did get to see the video. Tonight should be fun!

Mmmmmmmmmmmm... I'm excited about this week. Don and I will have our own Christmas celebration here on Wednesday evening. I'm trying to figure out what I'm getting. He put little clues on each gift but I still am not sure what's in the boxes. I like that! The only thing I'm sure of is a Bart Millard CD. We're going to WV for the 24th-26th to hang out with my family. I know my mom's getting me the WOW 2006 CD and "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" DVD. (Yes, the title's stupid but it's actually a quality movie.) My dad called a couple of days ago for gift ideas, and I told him 2 CD's: Joss Stone and Jars of Clay. I really don't know how to say what I want for Christmas. Most of the things I want aren't easy for other people to buy for me. But I think I did well on my gift-buying this year. Having an employee discount at the bookstore really helps!

Icky morning

It's so rainy and cold outside! Wouldn't be so bad if I didn't actually have to get out in it today, or if Don didn't have to work in it. It's so hard to get moving on days like this.

I have not been looking forward to this morning. My to-do list is a mile long, and it includes going to two businesses to argue over bills they sent me where I believe the bills were either keyed in wrong or else I was charged for services without being informed of them. I HATE confrontation but I hate wasting money even more.

Babies everywhere!

Wow! My friend Michele had her second baby girl on Tuesday morning, and my friend Rachael gave birth to her first child today. I am so happy to know that everyone's happy and healthy and doing well! Actually... happy is far too weak of a word... rejoicing is more like it!

Two of the gals I work with are also pregnant. One day an old man walked in and saw only the pregnant women and wondered what was in the water in our store! It was sorta funny. I have no intentions of joining the ranks anytime soon, thank you very much! It's not time!

I have been so busy lately that I find myself staying up half the night just so I can get some time to think or read or clean or whatever else is pressing at that particular moment. After the Christmas rush of parties, church functions, extra work hours, and Mission of Hope, I expect things to calm down somewhat. I can't keep up this pace indefinitely. College was like this for four straight years, but I only survived by existing in an adrenaline and caffeine-induced fog. I don't think I can do that again!

Men are from Mars?

Sometimes I'm not quite sure what to make of the differences between between my husband and me. I try not to generalize, i.e. "oh, he's a man, that's just a 'man thing'", but maybe there are times when that is appropriate? For example: we often have discussions where I am trying to advise him or warn him about something but he doesn't take me seriously. He's not doing it out of disrespect; he just disagrees. And that's fine! And even though I know I'm right, I drop the issue (usually). Then, sometime later, he discovers that I was right all along and I'm biting my tongue trying not to say "I told you so". That seems to happen often, or maybe that's just my perception. (I'm REALLY trying to be open-minded here!) My husband happens to be an extremely bright guy who is extremely good to me. As a friend of mine would say, "he ain't stupid!".

I'm not complaining... Don and I are fortunate since we're so compatible and rarely ever fight!! I bring this subject up because I've just been wondering lately if these "disagreements" (for lack of a better word) are due to gender differences or just our personalities. I know my mom has talked about this regarding my stepdad, and a few weeks ago at church, a friend was talking about how he and his wife experience this as well (admitting that his wife tended to be "right" more often than he is). I'm not interested in "winning"... I'm fine with being wrong if it's best for both of us. I guess I'm still wading through the newlywed game of understanding each other through our differences. I find it much easier to connect with people if I can understand the reasons for why they act the way they do, therefore I have always placed a great deal of effort into "figuring people out". My career literally depended on that skill, as my ability to support myself as a social worker relied on my success.

I am enjoying being married for so many reasons, the least of which is for all of these new questions swirling in my head.