My grandma and I couldn't be more different. In fact, as I was growing up, I couldn't imagine a fate worse than a life like hers. All I ever wanted was to get out of WV, study, travel, and explore... all things that she never showed any interest in doing. Her world was tiny and in my eyes, stifling.
The day after her funeral last week, I drove to her house to meet with my aunts and uncles to begin going through some of her things. I sat in her chair with a mountain of old photographs in my lap, and simply let the tears flow. Where was she? Where was the familiar sound of her raucous laughter?
Notecards and photos... so many of my elderly grandparents kissing and playing... their 50th anniversary... Mamaw driving a boat... Mamaw cooking in her kitchen... Mamaw grinning at her 80th birthday party... Christmases past unwrapping gag gifts of rubbie duckies and toilet paper... Papaw riding my little girlie bike... Papaw in a shirtless group of GI's, one holding a newspaper with the headline "War Over"... my grandparents as teenagers, so gorgeous and strong... photos and letters from more family and friends than I ever knew she had. We always teased Mamaw for the mementos she saved. I found a pink envelope labeled in her handwriting "Keep forever", and inside were pictures of me. I found a thank-you note that my mom had sent her for helping take care of my older brother after I was born, and a calendar from 1980 where the only note in it was about my first birthday. In my hands, I held her treasures.
I set aside a pile of photographs to claim for myself, then sat quietly and gazed around the room. Her beloved parakeet chirped obliviously. She always loved birds and flowers and her immaculate gardens were evidence of that. She decorated her home with bird figurines and silk floral arrangements, the kind of corny knick-knacks that I'd always hated but she adored.
Sophisticated? Ha! Mamaw never cared what people thought of how she lived. She knew exactly what she liked! She raised her four successful kids, taught them about Jesus, spent her life doting on her family and friends, and stayed home with her flowers and her birds. She was content. She laughed and loved every single day.
Mamaw got it right.
I hope I will, too.
