What next?

Well, today was not very productive! I am feeling somewhat guilty, considering that my husband is out slaving away and I was sitting here at the house. He has been totally supportive of me regarding my "sabbatical", but I'm not exactly used to letting someone else take care of me like this!

It has been over a month since I worked out my 30-day notice at "the cliff", and I have never been happier about taking the risk to walk away. My nursing home career began as I was a college sophomore on a mission trip to Asheville, NC with the CNC gospel choir. We visited a nursing home to sing to the residents, and I walked out of that building knowing that my life had changed, that I was changed. That was where God revealed to me that I had a true gift for patience and understanding with elderly people. He gave me total peace about the direction my life was taking, from changing my class schedule to beginning my internship with a local nursing home. After graduation, I spent the past five years growing in my career as a social worker, serving at different facilities as promotions and better opportunities presented themselves.

This year, however, I started growing increasingly restless. I always said that once I had children, I wouldn't be able to do nursing home social work anymore because of the stress, but it all came bearing down on me much sooner than I had anticipated. Most people really have no idea what goes on in a facility, and it's probably a good thing to be ignorant of it! The problems I had weren't merely dealing with heavy doses of loss and death, even though those things certainly got to me at times! It was the constant uphill battle that I was facing EVERY single day. If I wasn't fending off complaining family members (always upset about situations beyond my control), I was fighting a roomful of nurses who couldn't understand why piling on more psychotropic medications weren't the answer to all of Mr. Smith's problems. Add in overflowing stacks of pointless paperwork, and a schedule that never allowed me to forecast when I got to go home each day, and you have a recipe for burnout!! It's too bad, really. The residents were great for the most part; it's everything else that I could no longer stomach. However, there comes a time when your sanity and your marriage are more important than your finances. Don got what was left of me every day, and that wasn't fair to him. I have had the gnawing feeling for months that God is calling me in a different direction, and I think this is His way of telling me that it's time to move on.

So... with Don's encouragement, I gave my notice with perfect peace. My boss thought I was crazy, and perhaps he's correct in that assumption, considering I'm sitting here with no job and bills are rolling in. But I know that God's not going to let us starve... that He knows my needs. My father has never been one to be quoting Scripture to me, but he reminded me to "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33). God used my dad to speak to me and to settle my heart... how awesome is that?! This past month has been a time of reflection like no other I've ever experienced, as my only duties have been to care for my husband, and to focus on my Lord. I am confident that He has a plan for me even greater than anything I could dream up on my own. Sure, I'm broke, but am I ever excited!